Hypersonic | Zayn Malik | AU

57 | the one where she finally lets loose

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The One Where She Finally Lets Loose

"I don't know how to not miss you. It seems that you have taken up a permanent residence in the place that used to be my heart, but now is just a sea of thoughts about you."
— H. V.

A/N:

hello! I've missed y'all :)
for the five people that still read this: here's a loooong chapter of over 7400 words! leave comments if you're still around bc I literally think all of my readers have gone but like five of y'all and I hate myself for taking so long and thereby, getting rid of you :(

anyways, [sigh] enjoy!

Z A Y N

I'll admit, when the guard came to my cell earlier and informed me that I had a visitor, my heart immediately jumped into my throat. I've been in here for several weeks and I've lost any sort of sanity that I once held before being locked up. I know that I've effectively cut Arielle out of my life but anytime I have an email, piece of mail or a visitor, I can't help the simultaneous feelings of panic and worry that consume me.

I don't know what I'd do if she suddenly showed up or I heard from her. I figure it'd probably make me spiral even further than I've already spun but I can't say for certain. I honestly don't know if I could hit further than the rock bottom I've already hit.

As the guard leads me towards the common area to meet my visitor, I'm reminded of Arielle's last visit.

I ball my fists up at my sides, angry at the entire fucking world. I'm pissed at QuickDraw for being a jealous, obsessive dick that abused the system, at Ezra and Langley for their involvement in Arielle's and my first break up, at my stupid fucking cell mate that hasn't stopped shouting racial slurs at me since I've been in his presence, and at the tasteless food, the uncomfortably stiff beds—I'm mad that the fucking sky is blue and my life is utter hell.

A shot of pain fires through my jaw, reminding me to stop clenching my teeth. It's become an unintentional thing, something I've found myself doing as the tension and anger further blackens my soul.

Eventually, the guard has the door opened and urges me inside to meet with whomever has chosen to visit me. I spot the person right away from where he sits on the far side of the room. Nate perks up when he sees me, small smile plastered on his face. I don't return the gesture as I seat myself across from him and await what he has to say.

"Hey, man, how you doing?"

"How the fuck do you think I'm doing?" I snap, fidgeting with the sleeve on my jumpsuit, desperate for a cigarette.