Saccharine

Chapter 21: Spilling teardrops on my pillowcase

A day later

Eryn paced back and forth in her room. She was unable to get a grasp on things. Her mind was yet again spinning with a thousand thoughts. She hadn't been up long, nor had she been to sleep altogether, the bags under her eyes would be lovely. Nat had been her super secret spy, informing her of any intel on Bruce.

What they hadn't realized:

He was already in the building.

Eryn assumed she'd have time. She'd come up with an endearing speech. Welcome him back warmly. She'd have plenty of time to think it through. In fact she was certain.

Certain enough to ask Tony.

To be more certain.

She was simply planning to ask him when he would be arriving, She assumed it would be days, weeks even.

Stepping inside the lab confidently, Eryn called out to Tony. "Tony, hey, I wanted to ask you..." Her words trailed off. Sitting, at his once usual place in the lab was none other than the man she was coming to ask about. Their eyes were locked. Eryn was completely frozen. Her breath was held in the back of her throat, and her body tensed. After the agonizing moment a voice jumped her into awareness. "Fuck, Eryn!" Tony ushered over to her, coffee in hand, almost spilling out of his Iron man mug. "Hey, um, I forgot to tell you that he was here. Surprise?" Eryn, still with shock, managed to simply nod. Her words were all jumbled in her head.

The panic in her eyes told him everything. She was going to yell at him for this later. For sure.

"Since you're here, why don't I pour you a cup of my famous joe hm? You love coffee." He suggested, spinning her around him to face Bruce; who was currently, and mindlessly, typing on a laptop. "Coffee." Eryn simply spoke, "Coffee sounds good." She came back to life. "I can get it-" "Oh no no no! I need to add more sugar to mine anyway, you just sit your pretty little butt down and don't touch anything." He rolled her over a chair and sat her down with light force. Eryn gave him a confused look. She was desperate for an escape.

"Yeah but you don't know how I like mine."

"Super milky and sweet?"

"Ew no! See you don't know so I should go-"

"I already offered to go get it."

An annoyed voice snapped them away from the coffee augment. "Just go get her the coffee." Bruce snapped. Hints of green flashing on his skin. "Right, I'll go do that." Tony sputtered before dashing off, hand over mug to save from spillage.

They were alone.

Eryn bit her lip, not knowing what to say. What should she say indeed. Well you gotta start somewhere. She rattled through her brain before the words slipped from her lips.

"Soo, you're back."

Oh god this is a terrible way to start a conversation.

He simply nodded.

"Are you like back, back?"

Silence.

She went on, "Like, are you planning on staying?"

"Probably not." His words were dry. Eryn felt herself shrink a little. "Oh. Well, for what it's worth it's good to see you, again, here." Could you be any more awkward?! An idea hit her. "Maybe while you're here, we could go get that coffee huh? I'm sure it'll be better then Tony's."

The tapping of keys came to a halt. "Or we could just drink it here, a date is a date no matter where I guess..." He was silent for a while. His eyes were on the laptop, though his mind seemed to be elsewhere. Eryn waited patiently, getting more anxious as the seconds dragged on.

"Eryn."

"Yes?"

She perked up a bit. This was it! It was happening. The sweet sappy reunion she dreamed about. He was gonna tell her how much he missed her! Tell her his feelings! Gosh she was so giddy.

"We can't be together."

And then the world stopped.

"What?"

"I can't be with you." He clarified.

She felt the trembling set in. She fought to keep herself composed. "Cant? Or dont want to?"

"I can't."

"But, you do want to...right?" Her hopes were not given up just yet.

""It doesn't matter what I want-"

She cut him off, voice shaky, "What about what I want then?"

He looked at her. She was trying her best to keep it together. Her hands were clenched on her lap. Her eyes were glossy, and glued to the floor of the lab. She wanted to be with him. And if he did, then why wasn't he?

"I'm not gonna risk putting you in danger. You should be with someone who can protect you, give you a family, some kinda future. I can't give you a happily ever after. I think it's best if we just-"

"But, I don't need anyone to protect me. I don't need kids or a future."

"What happens when you start wanting it?"

"Who said I did in the first place?" She knew she was being stubborn and childish. Eryn knew deep down, this was all a mistake. He didn't want to leave her, he wanted her to be safe.

"If something were to happen, if he were to-..." He couldn't finish the thought, "I couldn't live with myself knowing I put you in that position." His words were more desperate, pleading to her. Eryn bowed her head. "You can't just push me away cuz you're scared. This is all it is, just fear. And you're letting it control you. Please. I know it's gonna be hard, I know the risks, I know it might be dangerous, but you really underestimate what I can handle." Eryn stood. "Bruce you know this isn't the answer." He sat, silent. Letting her words just drown.

"I can't just let you do this, I'm already in too deep. I lov-"

"Stop."

She froze, her lips quivered. "If you say it, it's just gonna make it harder for me to let you go." And then it set in. The reality that he was serious. There was no way she could change his mind. No way for her to ease him. Nothing she could express.

"Then dont." She uttered, a few drops escaping their way down her cheek. The sight broke his heart.

"I have to."

As if on cue, Tony Freaking Stark reentered the lab, two mugs in hand. "Hey I got the-"

Eryn brushed passed him and exited the lab. She couldn't stay. Her mind was screaming for her to run.

She fled down the hall, down stairways and corridors. Passed a jolly Nat who called after her when she didn't stop. She ran until she found herself back in the place she had started the day in. Her room. She made sure to lock the door before crawling helplessly into the warm bed. Her tears soaked into the pillowcase, and her sobs filled the room.

She let out her sorrow before plunging into sleep.