Reflect // Van McCann

5. Help You Find Each Other

*Amy's POV*

It didn't take long for news to spread about Van going to paradise. Everyone was talking about it—at the park, at the store, and at the library. It didn't matter how hard I tried to avoid it, I couldn't escape it.

I found it hard to grasp that he was really gone. I always left the house hoping he'd be back when I came home but he never was. I was disappointed each time and I knew it wasn't healthy for me to think of such a thing. I had to accept that he was gone and move on, but it was easier said than done.

Some days were hard. The little things would remind me of him. Like the other day, I went to the store and thought about how much he hated going there. I'd walk around the house and catch the faint smell of cigarette smoke. As much as I hated him smoking in the house, I missed him terribly and honestly wouldn't mind.

I've left his room the way it was. I only go in his room to water Jess's plant once a week and that one time I looked for his book of lyrics, which wasn't hard to find. I had given Bondy the whole book except for one thing. That day, I noticed a piece of paper that was sticking out. I opened the notebook to investigate and saw that it was lyrics to a song, but not just any song. The song was titled "Jess" and I couldn't bring myself to give it to Bondy. All the pages were intact but it seemed as if Van had torn the lyrics out with the intention of giving them to Jess. But what happened? Did he change his mind or did he run out of time? Anyways, the lyrics are sitting on Van's desk and I can't bring myself to read the lyrics but some day I will.

"So tell me—what's next for you? Where do we go from here?"

Bondy's questions echoed in my head and I had to stop what I was doing and sit down for a moment. If everything is true, we're not meant to be in limbo permanently. Eventually everyone will go to paradise. I guess it's up to you how long you want to stay in limbo. If you want to get out as soon as possible, use the mirror to your advantage. If you want to stay as long as you can, don't do anything. Well the mirror is broken so that answers things for me, doesn't it?

I was at a crossroads. If I stayed in limbo, I still had a chance of seeing my brother and Jess again, if the mirror ever worked again, that is. I'm not sure such a mirror exists in paradise. I do miss Van dearly, but in time, I will eventually join him there so he's not really gone per se. And I didn't want to leave Bondy, Bob, and Benji behind. Everyone else, I could care less.

I stood up and made my way to the mirror and pulled the bedsheet off to the side. The sun was shining, illuminating the intricate gold design that framed the mirror. I lightly pressed my palm against the glass but it didn't go through. It's not like I expected it to anyway but that didn't stop me from trying every single day.

.

.

It was like I was in a movie. I could see two young boys up ahead, crouching over someone laying on the ground. Curious, I walked up to them to get a closer look.

"I think he's dead," I heard the brown-haired boy say. The blond boy hit his arm. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Keep it down, would ya? Of course he's dead—we all are! I don't think he's dead though," the blond boy said.

"What makes you think that?"

"I saw him twitch earlier and he's drooling...."

All of a sudden, the person lying on the ground sat up and my breath got hitched in my throat. It was Van! The boys stared at Van in shock while Van stared back at them, wiping the drool from his mouth.

"Christ! He's alive!" the blond boy shouted.

I opened my eyes, my breathing labored. I was dreaming. I brushed my hair out of my face and tried to process what I just dreamt about. I probably miss him so much to the point I'm dreaming about him. But I've always believed that dreams meant something. I tried to think about what this dream was telling me. Maybe it was telling me that Van was fine and that he's alive. But why wouldn't he be alive? And what was he doing in the middle of the woods lying on the ground?