Reflect // Van McCann

25. Forgiven

*Amy's POV*

It looked like Jess could use a hug so I walked up to hug her. Ryan did the same and we all stood there. Occasionally Jess's sobs would shake us but we clung onto each other. Once she had time to recover, we decided to make our way downstairs to just talk. I made Ryan and Jess some tea which they drank to calm their nerves. I was never a big tea drinker until Van came along to show me what I was missing out on. There are still pieces of him in me.

Ryan was the first to break the silence. "Amy, can you tell Van I said hi and that I miss him? I'd say more but you know me—I could go on forever."

I made a mental note of all the things I had to tell Van and hoped that I could remember everything.

"And Amy, I love you and I will miss you so much," he continued, holding my hand. "I was hoping you'd be around longer but paradise is where you should go. Just know that I'll be fine." He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and smiled.

"I hope the next time I see you, you're a cranky old man," I joked and he laughed.

"I'll be the crankiest! Complaining about back pain and you punks."

I stopped laughing and turned to face him, a serious expression on my face. "I won't get to see you graduate university, get married, or have a family," I told him. "But even though I'm not there, just know that I'm so proud of you. You are so smart and capable that I know you'll be fine career-wise. As for marriage, whether it be Ella or not, I hope she makes you happy and takes good care of you. And your children will be so beautiful and be just like you." I paused, thinking of my next words. "Life is such a wonderful gift. Enjoy it to the fullest, hardships and all. And don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. I'd rather you live a life where you make mistakes but learn from them and be hurt but realize that everything will be okay, than live a life full of regrets and what if's."

"Those are wise words, Amy. Thank you."

I turned to Jess next and I saw her straighten up out of nervousness. "And Jess, you will make a great family doctor. Keep your chin up because your future is looking bright. I hope you meet someone that makes you happy, get married, and have a family. It's what Van would want." I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"Thank you Amy," she replied. "I'm going to miss you so much but I know you'll be fine over there. Thanks for being you and just know that I'll never forget about you."

I'll never forget about them. I'll always wonder what they're up to but I'll have no way of knowing for sure. But something told me that everything will be just fine. In the end, it always is.

.

.

Sunday.

I told Ryan to leave the house for a couple hours. I didn't want him to be around so that mom could look for him for help. She had to do this on her own. I had a general idea of what I had to do but most of the fine details, I had to work out on my own.

My mom was downstairs watching TV which was distracting. I needed quiet so I could get through to her. I peered down from the stairway banister and realized it was now or never. I've never purposely made my presence known before so I didn't know what to do with myself. I put my hands on the banister which caused a cracking sound and my mom instantly looked up, her eyes set on mine. There was a moment of panic, then confusion, and then I could see her senses slowly coming back.