Reflect // Van McCann

23. Saying Goodbye Isn't Easy

*Ryan's POV*

It was getting harder to say goodbye. I held onto the most simple memories of her. The way she'd tuck her hair behind her ear when it fell in her face, the way she'd lick her lips when she was in deep concentration. I wanted to remember it all. As I went to hug her, we both held on as if it was the last time we'd hug each other. Her body was cold against mine but I didn't mind.

Eventually, we separated. I was here too long and had to go back. I stepped through the mirror with the plant in hand. Despite this plant being a simple plant, it amazed me how this plant meant so much to us; it had a story to tell. That despite all the obstacles in its life being handed down from person to person, it was still alive and thriving, just like we will.

I walked down the stairs and set the plant down on the coffee table, unsure of how I'd bring it up to mom. To make matters worse, she happened to see me just as I straightened up.

"What's that?" she asked, nodding her head towards the plant.

"A spider plant," I answered simply, playing dumb. She opened her mouth and I knew I had to act quickly. "D'you think it'd look good here or should we put it somewhere else?"

"It's taking up half the coffee table. You should put it on the ground by the window. Where did you—"

"Great idea mom! It looks great by the window. This plant needs sunlight, right?"

"They prefer bright, indirect sunlight," my mom explained. "So are you gonna tell me where this plant came from?" She crossed her arms waiting for me to answer and I was stuck. I didn't leave the house at all today and suddenly appeared with a plant. I will tell you I wasn't thinking straight and I instantly regret it.

"Uhh, I was getting the mail and saw Mr. Simmons out in the garden. He asked me if I wanted this plant and I took it." My mom didn't quite buy my explanation but stopped questioning me to my relief.

"Are you ready for dinner?" she asked.

"Yeah."

We sat at the table, just the two of us. I tried to think of how to casually bring up Amy's sighting but decided it was best until we were halfway through dinner. Once the time came, I moved my broccoli around with the fork.

"Hey mom?" I started.

"Yes?"

"Have you figured out what Amy's sighting means?" I stared at the broccoli on my plate and tried not to look into my mom's eyes.

"Not yet. I haven't been able to catch Sarah yet."

"Have you thought about it some more?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"I was just thinking she might have unfinished business." Now I had my mom's full attention.

"What unfinished business?"

"If you think about it, Amy lived a pretty happy life so I'm surprised something's keeping her here. The person who hit her has been caught and is in jail for life. I can't imagine her wanting him dead. So what could it be? And that's what got me thinking." I paused for dramatic effect. "I don't think I'd be able to leave if someone I love blamed themselves for my death. I'd want that person to forgive themself before I move on." I stared at my mom and saw her lips trembling.

"Do you really think that?" she whispered.

"Let's reverse the roles. Would you be able to move on if Amy blamed herself for your death?"

My mom shook her head. "No. I'd want her to know it's not her fault."

"Exactly."

I looked around but felt like it wasn't working. Even though I told her the answer, I felt like it wasn't enough. She didn't understand what I was trying to say. She hasn't truly forgiven herself and I need to find out why and what's stopping her.