Reflect // Van McCann

11. Someone Else

*Van's POV*

"Why don't you want to come with us?" Austin begged, tugging on my arm.

"I've already told you—I'm not feeling it," I explained for the hundredth time. This kid doesn't get it. "Now quit tugging on my arm or it's gonna fall off." Austin stopped and let go.

"Please? Just this once? You're always in your apartment nowadays. What are you doing in there?" Reading and doing research but I wasn't going to tell him that.

The boys were trying to get me to go with them to a Halloween art exhibit. Yes, that reminded me of Jess. The past few weeks, I've been holed up in my flat. There was so much to learn and read about that all I wanted to do was read and read and read, so that's what I did. The boys didn't like it though. I was spending less time with them and they were starting to notice. They think it's because I don't like them anymore but that's not true. I love them, I do. But I need time to myself to do what I want.

"If I say yes, will you leave me alone?" I asked, sighing.

Austin's eyes widened. "How long do I have to leave you alone for?"

"Three days," I bargained. Three days doesn't seem like much, but to put things in perspective, Austin checks on me several times a day. The kid won't leave me alone!

"Deal." He then began smiling. It was the type of smile where I knew he was up to no good. Wait...why is he smiling?

"What?" I asked him.

"I invited Irene to come along."

"Now why would you do that? I take that back, I'm not going."

"You can't change your mind. We made a deal, remember? Besides, why are you avoiding her? She likes you, you know."

"I know."

"You don't like her back?"

"I like her as a friend but my heart belongs to someone else."

I actually surprised myself by saying those words. It's been years since I've last seen Jess and I was still holding onto the hope that some day we'd be reunited again. But based on what I've learned, I don't think that's happening. I need to move on but I can't and I won't.

"Who does your heart belong to?" Austin asked.

I looked him straight in the eyes. "You," I said firmly. I then walked away, smiling, and leaving him speechless. That'll teach him to stay out of my business. I could see him running past me and then blocking my path.

"Ha-ha, very funny! I know it's not me. So where is she? Is she in limbo?"

"She's still alive."

"Oh." Austin no longer questioned me. "Meet us in the apartment lobby at 8 PM tonight, got it?"

"Got it."

I made my way back to my flat and closed the door behind me. My flat was becoming a right mess. I had several empty mugs on the table and stacks of books littered the floor and table. It was becoming overwhelming so I spent the next hour just cleaning up.

So I tidied up my place
'Cause you always told me
It got me thinking straight

I paused and quickly wrote down the lyrics. I wrote a ton of songs back in limbo. It's hard to remember the exact lyrics when I don't have my notebook with me. I have since gotten a new one but it's not the same.

I pulled out my dream journal and opened it to my most recent dream which was a few days ago. Ryan and Amy were reunited but Jess was nowhere to be seen. You have no idea how happy I was when I saw they were reunited. In two years, Ryan has changed a lot. He's grown up and he's gotten more mature. I longed to see Jess but something told me it would be a while. And I'm sure the wait would be worth it. I wondered what she'd look like. Is her hair still short or did she grow it out again? Are her eyes still as green as the forest and does her dimple still pop out when she smiles? I think she's my age now.