His Rose

Chapter 35: Leaving

⚜️Ever since I lost you, I feel lost all the time....⚜️

Levi

Tense.

My nerves were tense, anxiety seeping through each pore. I gripped the steering, stepping up the speed as the nearby drivers threw profanities at me.

Not that I cared at the moment.

This was all my fault.

Never. Never had she asked for a single thing from me. Never had she voiced her problems always putting mine before hers.

But what did I do?

I fucked it up like the coward I was.

When his bloody form was at my feet, a gun to my hand, I hesitated.

My whole being was divided in two.

One was the lost child that craved whatever shred of family he could muster, even if that meant sheltering a monster.

The other was the child that craved blood. Vengeance on the man who ripped apart his perfect life into tiny fragments, never to be found again.

I was so torn.

Then came his taunting. It was then I knew, that this man knew me too well. Better than I knew myself.

He saw that hidden yearning for a familial warmth.

I remember how my being trembled in defiance but still I couldn't bring myself to shoot that man, who shared my blood.

A blood that disgusted me yet I couldn't fight against.

It was that blood that made me walk away from the one person who would never turn against me, that one person that would gladly give away her life in exchange of mine.

From the moment she shot him I couldn't look into her eyes. Scared to see her judgement. Scared to see how disapointed she would be, seeing the teary eyes of mine for that monster.

So I didn't.

Not when she wasn't in the car with me. Not when we reached the HQ.

I choose to walk away.

For a week she didn't come. I knew then she gave up on me. I mean who would want a pathetic existence that only knew how burden the ones who cared for him anyways.

But then she walked in again.

The instant her voice sounded, I saw light again. Her grey eyes met mine, not with anger but with helplessness and a touch of warmth.

She didn't give up on me.

But did I deserve this?

I knew for a fact I didn't.

Then her words. Her words broke a dam in me. The dean was right. Suppressing emotions would lead to them bursting one day.

And apparently it just happened to happen on the worst timing and to the wrong person.

Each and every word that came out, I could see how she winced at them.

I called her cold.

When she only person that showed me warmth.

I said she didn't care for her family.

When all she ever did was give my lonely self one.

I said I hated her.

When she was the only person I loved.

God I had messed up. Messed up so bad.