i'm tired of this world, but what do i know?

s h a m e

shame
to build a home -the cinematic orchestra

i am struggling
i whispered

but she didn't hear me
she held onto my hands
and promised to wash them clean
i asked her to love me

she is me

i denied
infinitely

my heart races
and stutters in its beat

i get bad thoughts
i shouted
tears flooding my face in grief

my life is dull and lonely
as i sit by the phone
awaiting its ring

i wonder when i will be beautiful again
i wonder why she left me
i wonder why i was touched inappropriately
i wonder why my youth has forgotten me
i wonder why everyone leaves
i wonder why she hurt her
i wonder why they died
i wonder why i still feel you next to me
i wonder why i claw and scrape at my body pitifully
i wonder why the number underneath my feet decides happiness or grief
i wonder why they made fun of me
i wonder why i fell in love with a friend
i wonder why i tried to bring my life to an end

i don't feel good
i feel bad
i don't feel happy

i always feel so sad
still here but my heads drowning in the past

every night
i want to call it quits

what's wrong with me?

of the approaching hour
day
time
moment

i ache
but
the pain is disgustingly familiar

i
disgust me

im lost but nobody bothers to find me
nobody even cares to see

im lost

completely dependent and depressed

im so fucking upset

I can't explain the guilt
the shane
the pain

for you it's something poetic to read about

for me
it's my eternal suffering

im alone here still wounded
i needed you

you came in my memory
you hugged me still

Its all over now
and i will always be sorry