i'm tired of this world, but what do i know?

z o l a n

z o l a n
sugar -brockhampton

my great celestial something

even when im down
you carry that pain
in a way nobody else has

they got tired of me
the all gave up on me
no matter what
there's something that you see in me
that i can't
and that's beyond me

for the first time
somebody wants to see what'll happen to me
so much stuff goes on in my head
i get lost in it
eventually ill convince myself that i don't need anyone or anything
that i can get by on my own hand

but there he is
again

i was waiting for a she to rhyme about
now i laugh
beats me now

love comes in all different universal wavelengths
you get it
you get me

he listens
he knows
we got our own poetry
and so

this simple garden grows
haven't had a weed
in god knows
how long

nobody's trying to stop this sprout
nobody's concerned to
it's fine

through ups and so called downs
we never really stay down
he isn't afraid
he says his problems out loud
so we can find common ground

i think
it would be crazy for someone to love me and actually mean it
but when i look at him

i laugh
because i finally see it

written all over his face
and his smile

he'll hold me in a different country
and make me feel like it's home now

patient
loving
kind

and accepting

everyday i look around
wondering how im this lucky
to have a best friend and lover wrapped up in one

someone who'll entertain my ideas
someone who doesn't make me feel afraid to be myself
he likes almost all the things i like
before we even met

i love him
in the most

calming
lovely
and soothing way

there's nothing crazy or catastrophic about it

because im sure
im sure that he feels the same

and i sit
and i contemplate
he still stays

it's not the change
in relation
it's not that im accompanied
that equates to worth

it's that ive got someone who doesn't use want me to show them the sun
they are the sun
when i can't see it

i don't have to say it
i just know

that's why this poem is about him
the light of my life