Wistful Secret

Aaron

My parents moved around a lot when I was young. They always fought, and when they split up, they were always fighting over my custody, not because of love, but out of spite, which is partially why,and also because of my mother's job as a freelance journalist, I could not stay in one place, I could not experience stability, the love of them both and the thrill of long acquaintances and friendships that last more than a year. I was always the new boy, the one who lives in the dysfunctional family. So, I made myself apt with academics and sports, so every school would accept me.

I met Anna in a little party, and I was instantly smitten by her. That night, we grew a little too close, and Anna made that year worthwhile for me. I stayed there with my mum for 2 years when we both were together. Even when I caught her cheating on me, I could not remain angry with her, because she had become a constant in my life.

Even after I moved, I never lost touch with Anna. I could never. Occasionally, she would visit me. I still like her a lot, I cannot lie, she may be rude and insensitive, but  she is still my Anna and I will not leave her, ever.

Everything was fine until my mother got lungs cancer, and she left the world. I used to stay with my mother and after her untimely demise, I had to move here, to my father, who remarried and settled her. I have resented him for this reason, he could not settle down with my mother, he never had love for me, and now he showers his love upon his new wife, who is nothing compared to my mother. I didn't want to stay here, but my grandparents are old, and I cannot impose on them, back in London, so I have to stay here, until I go to a university.

I was really upset, I became unruly. I stayed in the town even after my mom's death to complete that year, but for this year, I must have to move here, that was the condition laid down by my father.  I was not keen on it, but my friend, that time, I was unruly. I became a bully, to hide my own insecurity, I bullied students, and especially one, his name was Roger. I bullied him terribly. So when he died, after he got in a car accident, I felt bad, like somehow, I had caused his death. He did not commit suicide, he was killed, but I suspect otherwise. What if, he jumped in front of the car, what if, he died because he could not bear it everyday?

When I was moving here, and I saw u, that day, on the wall, I felt those feelings come rushing to me, so I came here, because, I could not be  a bystander, not again. The emotions were real, I thought, I could be your friend, and slowly, I fell in love, I did not realize, when, how, why, but suddenly, my life seemed meaningless without u.

That is when Anna came to visit me, and told me about a girl, Iris, who troubled her, a lot, when she lived here as a child. She asked me, if I could find her, and get her revenge. Anna said that u stole her love from her, and now she wants nothing more than to make u miserable. She told me she tried everything she could to make u leave him, but then, u only made a mess, nothing more.

I could not, how could I do that, but then, I believed Anna, who held the resentment and bitterness She asked me to promise her, for all those times we had, but then, I could not do anything to u, for even if I liked Anna, I loved u, but at that moment I could not decide what to do. I tried to keep my space from u, tried to stay away from u, because, then, my feelings were really messed up. Then when I came to meet u in terrace, I could not find u. I was worried out of my mind.

U had no friends, I knew, so I went around trying to find u, I asked everyone I could find, but u weren't anywhere.Nobody had seen u or Jason since detention, and then it clicked me. I remembered u were supposed to be in the library and while I rushed, I only hoped u were okay.

Then, Anna came to visit me again, and I told her, that I knew u, and I did not hate her, she told me, I was no different, but then she kissed me and we made up, like we always do. But then u slowly distanced urself for me, and now, I was upset, why u were like that. I also heard u rejected Marco, and I felt all hope was not lost.

I came today, so that I could see u again, and maybe u would understand, but now, I want nothing more than ur forgiveness and acceptance.