All They Needed: A JohnLock High School AU |NaNoWriMo|

Chapter 19: Caring

A/N: I actually just kept revising this chapter because it's hard to capture the feelings of-you know what? Just read the chapter.

Chapter 19: Caring

Sherlock

"Sherlock? Sherlock?" Someone was tapping Sherlock's shoulder, but he kept shoving the person's hand off.

I am not going to classes today. Today is too risky, he thought. I want to be alone.

Just like before.

His mind drifted off to his deepest thoughts; the ones he tried to hide. The ones he was ashamed of thinking. But he couldn't stop them now. He was never in charge of his mind anyway.

I've gotten so used to friends, I actually forgot who I really am; the freak. I am the boy who gets bullied at his neighbourhood the boy who had to go to a special school, the boy who screamed because he didn't know how to cry.

The pain was always there, even when I was at school. I wouldn't even focus in some of my classes because I was always buried in thoughts about those people who bullied me.

Why am I like this? Why do I have to be special? Sometimes, I don't want to be special. Sometimes, I wish I could be ordinary.

But I stopped caring by the time I was eleven. I don't know why. It just hit me that I didn't need to care anymore. Mycroft doesn't care, my former friends don't care, nobody cares. So I became like them.

I didn't complain when they punched me and called me names. I felt the physical pain, but I pushed back the emotional pain and the question 'why?'.

Sherlock rolled over on his bed and felt like he wanted to throw up and cry at the same time. He pushed it down, knowing it wouldn't help the situation.

He should've just gone to classes and gotten it over with. Take the multiple punches and by two weeks, it would only be the main bullies who'd punch him. The whispers didn't bother him that much, he was used to them.

Then why was he in bed like a scared child? His old self would have marched out of the room and taken those punches like it was some small pinch. He would reply with witty comments and deductions so the bullies would go away and spread more rumors that he would handle. Why was he lying in bed if he could take it?

Because of John, his subconciousness provided.

Because of John, you've become weak and ordinary. You aren't extraordinary anymore, Sherlock. He's made you so mundane, it's like it's the first time again.

Ditch John. Ditch John and you'll be okay again. Just forget about John and the past. You never needed him anyway.

Sherlock stopped thinking about that and paused. Did he really not need John? John was the only reason he could breathe again. The reason he could see the world in brighter colours.

Then again, John is the reason I'm in this mess.

No more caring, Sherlock. No more.

A/N: Guys, it's short but it's emotional. Yep. I had to feel it. I had to take all my feelings on this. It's hard because Sherlock really is a complex character.

Now, remember when Sherlock used to be a bastard? Then he met John? That's when he subconciously decided he wanted friends. Just in case you didn't get it.

fire