Wrong Person, Write Love.

Prose 026: When I Look At You

Once upon a time, I used to look at your eyes as if it's the most natural thing for me to do.

I can still clearly recall, before I met you, I can even barely look at someone's eyes when I talk to them. It felt as if I'm invading someone else's life, and it made me avert my gaze as soon as possible.

Before there was you, I was just a naive girl who never knew how eyes can speak louder than words or actions.

But then you came, and you've made me realize that you can make someone feel loved just by looking at them. I used to stare at your eyes when you talk about those crazy childhood stories of yours, forever wondering how could those two small orbs can hold the universe I would never be able to explore entirely no matter how long I might try. 

Since then, I lost the ability to perceive a future without you. You were always there, in everything I did, in every place I visit, and in every people I meet.

I loved you with all my heart.

And so I wonder, is that how you felt too?

Did you realize it just now?

I used to look at you with eyes full of love and it always made my heart warm. But I never had a thought that there will come a time when looking at you would be the hardest thing to do because you've broken my heart when you suddenly left me hanging again without giving any reason at all-- just like you always do.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I'd be able to muster up the courage to just look away and pass by you-- pretending as if you were never there.

I'm afraid that once I saw that sadness and pain in your eyes, I'd only run back to you and forgive you again and again.

I can't look at you now because I know that if I did, you'd see that I never really stopped loving you after all this time.

And I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be your safety blanket anymore when everything goes crap for you. I don't deserve to be someone you'd only go back to when you realize you chose the wrong person again. I don't want you to love me only when you felt like no one loves you anymore.

I love you and I want you to be happy-- but I'm so tired of being responsible for someone else's happiness when I can't even smile genuinely anymore.

How ironic, but I guess that's just how it works for the both of us.

You finally come looking for me when I stopped looking at you.

- Aries Writes

Art from Pinterest.