Made For Him

Chapter 34

Vanessa Jasmine's

It's been four days since Rio left. I'm still undecided kung gagawin ko ba o hindi. I'm scared with all the what if's inside my head.

What if I'm just scared because I don't want to leave him? What if I'll regret my decision at the end? What if he arrived and found me out? He'll hurt me. What if I'll be left alone after all of this?

Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko pero mas nananaig sakin ang pangamba na kung hindi ko gagawin ay mananatili na lang ako sa ganitong sitwasyon. Maybe I grew fond of him that's why it's so hard for me to do what Chris wants. Maybe 'fondness' that I feel is more than that?

It's already evening at magmula kahapon ay napakalakas ng ulan at kulog. I can't sleep and keep on thinking about him. I still have 3 days. Chris has been coming back and forth in here pero hindi ko siya pinapapasok at kinakausap.

I feel nervous, sad, scared and worried. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba ang tama at maling pipiliin. I want to help him. I know he's struggling too. Deep inside I can feel his sadness and regrets. Gusto kong makawala siya sa mga dinadamdam niya for him to have a good life. For him to live a contented life. It may be hard but I know he can do it.

With that thought, tumayo ako mula sa pagkakahiga. Determinadong lumabas ng pintuan. Rinig na rinig ko ang patak ng ulan at pagdagubdob ng kidlat sa bawat hakbang ko patungo sa pintuang iyon.

Iniiwasan kong makagawa ng ingay dahil ayokong may makakita saakin. They might tell Rio na pinasok ko ang kwartong iyon.

Mula sa nilalakaran ko ay unti-unti ko ng nasisilayan ang pinasukan kong kwarto noon. It looks so innocent in the first glance. A door without a single malice. The door that holds a lot of secret since I first set foot on it.

Tumigil ako sa harap nito at napahawak sa puson ko ng maramdaman ko ang tensyon sa bandang iyon. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng katawan ko lalong-lalo na ng mga kamay ko.

I want to back-out. Thinking that maybe I can fix him. I can fix this alone. I can do something and just to talk to him. Pero alam kong hinding-hindi mangyayari iyon dahil hindi ako ang pwedeng makatulong sakanya.

Mabagal kong pinihit ang pintuan. Dilim ang sumalubong saakin. Hinanap ko ang switch ng kwarto sa gilid ng pintuan at pinindot iyon.

One switch is enough for me to know what's inside the room. Napakunot ang noo ng hindi iyon tulad ng una kong nakita.

It was really a nursery room. It has a crib, a shelf full of stuff toys. Kulay dilaw ang dingding na pinartneran ng mga puting gamit. I was mesmerized.

"It's beautiful..." Napatulala ako at dahan-dahang nilapitan ang crib at hinaplos iyon. I can feel my heart swell from all of this.

Marahan kong hinaplos ang mga gamit na naroon at marahang hinila ang laruan na nakasabit dahilan para tumunog at umikot iyon.

Naramdaman kong tumulo ang luha ko at napahikbi. I feel happy but it doesn't compare to the feeling of despair. It could've been a happy news but it's not the right time. We could've happen but it's not right.

Pinahid ko ang mga luhang tumakas sa mga mata ko. I can't dwell on my emotion right now or else it will be too late. Pinalibot ko ang tingin sa buong kwarto. Napansin ko ang maliit na tv sa shelf ng laruan.

Nilapitan ko ito at ininspeksyon. I feel something odd about it at hinaplos ang taas na parte na iyon para buksan. I press it at imbes na iyon ang bukas, the wall opposite to my direction opened.

Napasinghap ako at natulala sa nadiskubre. Ofcourse, he has one. This mansion is freaking huge and having a secret room should not be surprising. I'm amazed at how fast he could manage to hide all the things that I once saw in this room.

Dali-dali akong tumayo at pinasok iyon. Doon ko na nakita ang set-up na nakita ko noon.

A big screen with three computers in front of it.
Scattered papers everywhere, the board with pictures, maps and places.

Dali-dali kong nilapitan ang board na iyon at isa-isang tiningnan lahat. There, I saw photos of our house, the hospital that my mom is working, my school, the club, my father's junkshop and all the places that I think I'm familiar.

Nangingilid ang luhang hinaplos ko ang mga iyon. "Really, Rio? All this time you know who and where I am." At sarkatiskong tumawa.

Bumaling naman ang mata ko sa desk malapit sa board at doon ko nakita ang isa sa litratong hinding-hindi ko ko inaasahang makita. Kinuha ko iyon kasama ng envelope na nakastapler rito.

Binuksan ko ang laman nun "Lawrence Danillo Aravalo, 40 years old..."

It was my father's information from how he was raised, his properties, my mom and me. Binitawan ko iyon at binuksan ang huling drawer sa desk. There I found a notebook.

Mukha itong bago pero mahahalatang matagal ng ginagamit and maybe it's valuable to the person who owns it.

Kasabay ng pagdampot sa notebook na iyon ay saka namang alingawngaw ng isang sigaw mula sa likuran ko " Jasmine! Shit!"

Mabilis akong napalingon rito at nanlalaki ang matang napatulala. Nagmamadali itong lumapit saakin. "Paano ka nakapasok rito?" I ask.

"That's not important. Fuck!Let's go. We need to go!" Chris suddenly grab my hand and forced me out of the room.

"Wait, hindi pa ako tapos! I need to see it, all of it! Please! Please!" Pakiusap ko rito habang umiiyak. "He's still not here Chris. Just like what you told me! Come on!" Hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang nakahawak saakin saka siya pwersahang hinila rin pabalik.

"Fuck, Jasmine! Trust me, we need to leave!" Sigaw niya pabalik saka ako hinala muli.

Hinala ko ang kamay ko mula rito at tumigil. "Why?! You keep on telling na tulangan ka! Here I am, helping all of you! Lahat ginawa ko para sainyo. Ang daming beses na pwede akong umalis pero hindi ko ginawa dahil sa pagmamakaawa niyo. And here I am feeling guilty because I'm doing something bad for him." Hinihingal kong sambit habang tumutuluha ang luha.

First, he offered me to leave this house. Then they said they need my help and I agreed and now that I'm trying to help them, they don't need it anymore?

Napasabunot ito sa buhok at mahihinang napamura habang aligagang nagpabalik-balik ng lakad. "Shit. He told you he was leaving, right?" Tanong nito at tumigil at harap ko.

I looked at him and confusedly nod. "He'll be in Thailand for a week. Yun ang sabi niya sakin."

Napailing si Chris at matiim na tinitigan siya sa mukha. "Well, he didn't leave Jasmine." He said worriedly.

"I never saw his name on any flights here. Kahit saang airport wala akong nakita. And that only means he never left the country." I was shocked to the point that my legs collapse.

-Makahiyaya