SPIKING THE PAIN (Varsity Series #1) (PUBLISHED)

16

I am in the middle of full chaos. Go after her or make her think first. I don't know what to do. I knew she's hurt so am I. The pain she has is also the pain I am having.

We are both but, I guess. In the end, I chose not to chase after her. It's not that I don't love her. That's what she wants so I am gonna give her.

I am supposed to be happy because before, I think that forgetting about her will make me handle my problem but now that she's gone makes it harder.

I can't think properly. My mind is too occupied by the things I should do. It's battling between giving up and hope.

Giving up means letting her while hoping to settle all the problems first while she's not around will totally wreck me. I can't move well when she's not around. I have experienced that when she went abroad. I lived my life all on my own and it's very hard. Now, I don't know how I am supposed to do that without her again.

I am lying in my bed, intently looking at the ceiling and finding ways how do I possibly get into this. The fact that I am now alone again added a melancholy in my life's timeline.

I wanna wrap things out already. Argh! I am lost again.

Other men will be happy if they are the ones to experience this but I am not- no, I should be happy because finally, I'll be free. Geez. That's not what I think. That's what I should not think.

I am thinking about the things I am always considering about. That reason that kept on haunting me makes me weak and feel unworthy. I don't know what I did to have this pain. I am not deserving of this.

Paano na lang kung bigla na lang dumating ang panahon na malaman ni Meg ang inililihim ko? I know she will be hurt- the pain she has right now will be multiplied.

I am really a bad guy. I will hurt her again. . . that's for sure. Sana pala ay hindi na lang talaga ako umamin na naaalala ko siya. Sana pala ay hinayaan ko na lang ang sarili kong magdusa dahil sa huli ay sarili ko lang din naman ang makikinabang.

Argh! Naghahalo-halo na ang mga iniisip ko. It's very stressful.

Kinatulugan ko na ang pag-iisip. Nagising na lang ako nang tumunog ang alarm clock na nasa tabi ko. I wasn't even able to eat because of thinking. Damn it!

Hindi na rin ako nakakain. Pagkatapos ko maligo ay dumiretso na ako kaagad sa school at nagtungo sa training area. It is the same gymnasium used in the game but today, it's all ours. This won't be used for now because the next games will conclude in the Malinao University. But the championship game will happen here. Nevertheless of what will compete for the championship.

"Bakit parang problemado ka, Trishtan?" Elmer asked when I sat down in the bench wearing my not so sad face. I never give him a look.

He knows it already that I am not in the mood. He will think that it is because of the loss yesterday. It has an impact but that was okay. My real problem is what happened between me and Meg.

The training started. My mind is still flying and I didn't know how was I am during it. Anyways, it's good that I did not get a special mention. I guess, I still performed well.

I did shower when the training ended.

It's 2 'o clock in the afternoon. The sun's heat's roasting my not so white skin. It's not moreno, my skin color is whiter than moreno color.

I found myself in front of Meg's house. Their house was painted with gray. The landscape was huge making the house looked very amusing.

Their huge door could be seen in my place. The wide windows in the second and third floor are soaring that the owner of the house has the money and power.

This is not my first time here. I usually visited here but when Meg went abroad, I never had the chance to do so.

I already asked the guard if he can call Meg and tell her I am here. He knew me that's why I got his approval. He nodded and went inside the house. I only saw him going on the door and when he arrived, he talked to one of the maids. He then goes back to his position.

Mayamaya pa ay nakita ko na si Meg papalabas ng kanilang pinto. She is wearing a mint green pajama and a white sando.

I just looked at her while walking towards my direction. Her, looking at me is making my heart accelerated.

I was going to hug her when she finally arrived but I was reprehended. I was slapped by a hard question she threw.

"What are you doing here?"

I bit my lower lip; my mouth opened. Her eyes looked swollen and her cheeks seem to be reddish. So, she cried the whole night, I guess.

"I am visiting you, Meg." I almost lost my voice. Right, I forgot to drink my water because I was excited going in here.

"What for, Trishtan?"

She called me by my name and not Trish anymore. Seems like my body has its pain reaction making the pain multiplied.

My lips trembled. "Can't I visit you?"

She averted her gaze when our eyes collided.

"But you don't have any reason to visit, okay? Just leave, Trishtan, before I call the police."

"You can do that?" I stuttered. Hindi ako makapaniwala.

She nodded. "Of course, Trishtan. Why can't I do that?" she sarcastically said. The sureness was in her voice. She can do it, no doubt.

Napatungo na lamang ako. Nanlalabo na ang mata ko. "Parang wala ka nang pakialam sa akin, ah? Hindi mo na ba ako mahal?"

She heaved a sigh twice. I looked at her. Naiiling niya akong tiningnan.

"Look, Trishtan. I cared for you that's why I am pushing you to go home. Look at yourself, you seem so lost."

She hit the milestone. Hindi lang pala ako ang nakapansin noon sa sarili ko.

"I am really lost, Meg. Come with me going home, please." I bent my knees down, begging, but I only received a shake of her head.

"I will not. Go home alone because you went here alone. You can do it yourself. Get up," flatly, she said.

Pero hindi niya naman ako tinutulungan makatayo. I feel like I am so weak that I can't even help myself stand up.

"How about our game tomorrow, Meg? Will you go to support us?"

Matunog ang kaniyang pagbuntong-hininga.

"I will be there tomorrow, Trishtan, don't worry. I will support your team. Now, get up and go home. You looked very tired," she said. Yes, I am so tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am stress.

My mouth opened. I looked at her. "How about me? Will you support me?"

Napapikit na lamang siya kasabay ng pag-iwas ng tingin. "I'll support your team so of course, I will support you, too, because you are a member. Go home already, Trishtan. You need rest-"

She wasn't able to continue her sentence when I collapsed on the floor.