call me back? •billie eilish book•

twenty

~*~*~*~*~*
recap
Climbing up the ladder I'm reminded by my old house. I used to have a treehouse, my dad built it for me and Finneas. We would always sit in there together and write songs, or play games.

I miss when times were simpler.

Getting to the top, I open the door

"Billie?"
~*~*~*~*~*

•• Laila's pov ••
~*~*~*~*~*
flashback
I feel numb. So so numb. I'm not even sad anymore, not happy. I'm numb.

I was scared this feeling would come back. Even if it just comes back for a second it still haunts me.

I try to block this part of my mind off completely, forget about it, pretend it doesn't exist.

I cant do this. I cant do it.

I have to leave I have to go somewhere anywhere but here.

I remember my family owns a cottage far into the woods, I can stay there for time being.

I planned it all out.

I'm going to stay in the cottage for a few weeks until me being "missing" dies down. I already know my parents will stop caring after about a week.

My parents made an account for me and my siblings for university/college funds and have been putting money in it since we were little so I'll take my portion of it.

I'm going to book a flight to LA and see where life takes me from there.

I seem like I'm being dramatic but I know what's best for me. My family holds me back from doing everything I love. My parents constantly tell me my dreams are unrealistic and I'll never make it. They make me feel unwanted. Unloved.

If I leave maybe I'll have a chance at doing what I want to do most, singing, acting, photography, youtuber, my possibilities are quite literally endless.

I just need a fresh start.

I cant leave without saying goodbye too a few special people though, that would be a dick move.

Well..all of this is a dick move.

Finally finishing the notes, I grab my skateboard and drop them off. I actually only wrote 4. One for Nessa of course, one for Rachel and Caleb because their the only people in my family I actually like. And one for Billie.

Mind you during all this I'm trying to be quite as fuck because it's early as shit out.

First stopping at Nessa's house, then Billies. I just put the one for my siblings in Rachel's room.

Nessa,
Meh I'll probably see you in a week, your rich ass will find me somehow

Rachel and Caleb,
Thanks for being the only tolerable ones in the family, come live with me if you get sick of mom and dad

Billie,
i'm a fucking bitch for doing this and i'm sorry. i can't physically be in my house anymore. the whole situation just pushed me over the edge. i'm not gonna lie to you my mental health is fucked. i'm gonna miss you.

thank you for making me feel something. thank you for making me feel loved

I'll miss you O'connell
Oh and you still owe me for my first kiss you ruined
Kidding..unless.
~Laila <3

Calling an uber I'm now on my way to the cottage. I brought my favourite shirts, pants and dresses.  Billies sweater she gave me because it still smells like her not matter how much I wash it. My stuffed animal from when I was little, my guitar and ukulele. That's it. I'd say I packed pretty light.

I may have to stay at the cottage for longer than anticipated but that's okay.

I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do about school but that's the least of my worries.

** time skip **

I finally make it to the cottage, and it's absolutely freezing. Even though it's warm ish out it's always freezing up here.

Immediately I put on Billies sweater and I'm greeted by the oh so familiar smell of vanilla.

I get settled in my old room here, walls still hot pink with unicorn stickers that are now barely noticeable.

My phone goes off.

I initially ignore it, until it goes off again and again.

I pick up my phone to see 15 new messages from Billie, I genuinely contemplate answering her but I can't say goodbye again. The first time was painful enough.

She continues to spam text me so I turn my ringer off and have a nap. I need a break from reality.

** time skip **

It's been a week, my flight to LA has been booked and I found someone that's going to let me stay over until I get myself an apartment or something.

My phone has been blowing up.

Messages here and there from my dad and mom. Rachel, Caleb, Nessa, and Andrew message me every day in the morning and night.

I think the one that hurts the most is the fact Billie messages me every day, every hour of the day. When I say every hour I mean every hour.

I miss her a lot.

I miss her strange aura, the fact that she was so tough on the outside but really she was just a big softie. I like that I was the only one who knew about that. It made me feel special.

As weird as it is to admit I wear her sweater every night to bed. It helps me sleep.

I miss her, and I can't stop thinking about her.

I still think about the small moments I had with her.
I still think about the first day I laid eyes on her.
I still think about the day she saved me at her party.
I still think of the day she held me so close when I was having a full on panic attack.
I still think about her soft plump lips so innocently touching mine, how it was such a euphoric feeling a feeling I've never felt before.
I still think about her bright blue eyes, crooked smile and raspy voice in the morning.
I still think about the fact I'm in love with her
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word count: 1040

I kinda hate this part but y'all were coming at me for not update so here🤲🏻 sorry it's kind sucky