call me back? •billie eilish book•

twenty three

TW: mentioning of drugs
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recap

"Get out. Leave." She says, it was clear she wasn't asking me to she was telling me to leave.

"Billie I'm sorry"

"I SAID FUCKING LEAVE LAILA" She was now yelling

This hurt my heart. Did I just break the girl I'm madly in love with? I never wanted to hurt her, I just had to tell her the truth. It had to come out at some point.

Walking out of her bedroom door, her screaming at me, was the worst possible feeling ever.

What did I just do.
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•• Billie's pov ••

And this is why I don't let people in. This is why I don't get too close to people. I'm fucking stupid. FUCK. I knew this would happen I fucking knew it. Of course she has a fucking boyfriend of course. I was about to give my whole life to this girl. Why the fuck am I so stupid.

I saw this coming I fucking called it bro. I have to accept the fact I'm not meant for a relationship I need to stop trying to convince myself I am.

I run my hands through my hair "I don't need a xanny, to feel better" I repeat to myself

I don't want to fucking relapse, but I need my mind to be else where.

Grabbing my keys, I leave. No specific destination just anywhere but here.

Aimlessly driving through a town I barely knew. No thoughts no feelings. Tear stained cheeks.

I cant believe I let some dumbass girl hurt me.

** time skip **

I've been at this random ass party I found, for 2 hours now, there's some random chick on my lap, music blaring through my ears. I feel better, right? This is what I needed, right?

Normally parties were my way of escaping reality, back in LA we would party every week. That shit was fun. This isn't, I don't feel anything here.

Trying to stay clean is hard as shit right now. I promised my mom that I would stop, I made a promise to her 2 years ago, I can't break it. I cant do that to her. I'm in their second hand smoke, a smell I missed so dearly.

A part of me still cared, a part of me knows how broken my mom would be. But a part of me feels nothing, absolutely nothing.

Fuck it.

•• Laila's pov ••

I didn't go to Nessa's, I need to go to Andrews. It's only right that I tell him how I'm so hopelessly in love with a girl I met 6 ish weeks ago. A girl with blue hair that dresses in clothes that are way to big for her. A girl that possibly doesn't ever want to talk to me again.

Hesitantly knocking on Andrews door it opens to a very scared and worried looking boy.

"Where have you been oh my goodness" He pulls me in for a hug "I've been worried sick, why didn't you tell me you were going somewhere and why didn't you answer your phone"