leaked (l.h.)

9

Shit, I woke up again.

The vibration coming from my phone's alarm is loud enough to wake me up even if I wasn't going to survive the night, and the sort of pain that comes from my in-between is enough for me to believe that I would die from the pain. But of course not, because when my brain wants to give up my heart won't. And on a day like today, I wish it would.

I bring myself out of the bed yet again, letting out a heavy sigh as I bring my feet onto my cold floor. My eyes still feel swollen, and my headache is much worse than it was yesterday. The lack of sleep must have finally caught up with me, and the absence of a full, nourishing meal isn't helping my case.

I know I should probably eat despite my lack of an appetite, so that maybe I can heal that much faster. At least physically, my mental wounds are much too deep to heal by food alone.

I walk to my closet, stretching my arms above my head as I look at my clothes. My fashion has always been my favorite part of myself, since my clothes always seemed to fit my aura. Never did I ever wear anything dark or boring, and I once prided myself at how optimistic I was. And in the presence of such negative forces such as Arzaylea and Tyler, I still found a way to keep that same energy through my day-to-day life. But since I began to notice how incredibly toxic Arzaylea was, and how one-sided my relationship with Tyler had become... I must have left my optimism somewhere behind.

I slip another oversized and long sleeved t-shirt over my head, slipping on a pair of leggings and the same sneakers I've worn the past few days. My bleeding has stopped for the most part, but I am scared that it'll start again. I wish I didn't have to worry about that.

The sort of churning in my stomach doesn't leave, instead it gets worse. I'm terrified of tonight, and I'm terrified that I'll run into him sometime during the day. I was lucky enough to avoid him completely yesterday, but I know that his face will be everywhere as he approaches his last few days. I mean, not only is he incredibly popular but a football star. It's almost impossible to avoid him.

I grab my backpack off of the floor, feeling how incredibly weak I feel as I swing it up on my shoulder. I stumble back, wondering when it had gotten this heavy. Wondering why, all of a sudden, I had stopped worrying about school.

I haven't done my schoolwork in two days.

But as I hear a ding on my phone, I realize that it's too late to worry about that now. Luke is on his way.

"Hey," it reads. "I'm on my way."

"Okay," I text back. "I'll see you soon."

I slip my phone in my pocket, shuffling my feet through the hall and down the stairs. As I approach the kitchen, I hear my parent's soft voices and smell the sweet scent of coffee. It's early, and as I bring my hair behind my ear I feel their eyes on me when I approach.

"You're up late," my Mother says as I reach inside the fridge - scouring for something, anything that'll keep me from passing out during the day.

"My friend is giving me a ride to school," I say weakly, closing the door when I realize that there's nothing that I find remotely appetizing. Despite the fridge and the pantry being fully stocked, I can't seem to bring myself to eat anything. It's the nerves. "So I didn't have to wake up that late."

I reach up behind my neck to bring my hair out from where it was tucked in my top, but before I am able to turn around to walk out the door I feel my Step-Father's strong hand on my wrist - where Tyler once grabbed me.

"What is this?"

"Ow!" I groan, pulling my arm from his as I feel the sensitive skin ache under his touch. "It's nothing."