leaked (l.h.)

25

"Dude," I hear behind me. And by the tone of his voice, I can't help but feel the familiar nausea that comes along with the numerous taunts I've received this morning already. I've lived here my whole life, I've gone to this school for going on four years now. I know how ruthless the students can be. "Double-D."

"Nah, probably a C at best."

They discuss my boobs as I walk down the hallway, my jaw clenched as I try to rush away from them. But this hallway is much too crowded for that, and the lunchroom is filling up quickly.

"Hey," I hear from beside me, and as I turn I see Michael's familiar neon-orange head approach me. "Luke was looking for you. Like always."

"Ha," I scoff, looking up at him as we drown out the taunts from behind me. Michael doesn't notice them. And even if he did, his voice is much too loud for me to hear them. "Where is he?"

"He managed to grab us a table." Michael turns to me, nudging me with his elbow as I bring my thumbs underneath the straps of my stained pink backpack. "Has he said anything yet?"

"Said anything?" I raise my eyebrows. "About what?"

"Nothing," he smirks, turning towards the cafeteria that we are steadily approaching. "If you don't know now, you will soon."

"Okay..." I raise my eyebrow as he leads me to where Luke sits. Luke, like always, smiling widely as he talks to Calum across from him. Him, Cal, Michael and Ashton are inseparable. I'd hate to intrude.

"Hey guys, look who I found," Michael smiles, sitting down beside Calum.

"Hi," I say, walking over to the empty seat purposely left beside Luke. He turns to me, nibbling on an orange slice he must have bought from the cafeteria line. In front of each of them sits a red tray, covered in food ranging from chicken patty sandwiches to pepperoni pizza.

"Hello," Luke hums as he brings the slice down from his lips. The juice left on his mouth makes them glossy, and as I move myself down beside him I can't help but wonder what they taste like.

I smile gently at him as I unzip my backpack and bring out my lunch that I had packed the night before. I bring the gray lunchbox to my lap as I take out the contents, feeling Luke's gaze on me as I pull out my ziplock filled with apple slices.

"Grace, um," Calum says as he tries to make conversation. I look up from my lap and make contact with his brown eyes, the same deep brown as mine. "Did Luke tell you about Saturday?"

"He did," I grin, looking up at my blue eyed boy beside me. "I'm excited for you all."

"And did he tell you about the afterparty that's going to be happening afterwards?" Calum adds, smirking as he turns to Michael. "It's going to be crazy."

"Oh, he didn't." I raise my eyebrow, turning to Luke as he nibbles on that orange slice.

"I don't even know if I am going," Luke glares at Calum. "And even if I was, I'm not sure if it'd be the kind of party you'd be interested in."

"Grace, I remember seeing you at a lot of parties last year." Calum adds on, furrowing his thick, black eyebrows as he pops a french fry into his mouth. "Quite a lot, actually."

"I did," I nod, bringing a sliced apple up to my lips and gently nibbling on the end. "But that was with Tyler."

"There's going to be alcohol and, I don't know, loud music." Luke cuts me off, almost as if he doesn't want me there. "It's just.. a bad idea. For both of us."

"Oh, okay." I nod slowly, chewing on my apple as I watch Calum glare at Luke. But I don't want to discuss this any longer. If Luke doesn't want me there, then I won't go.

That's what I was terrified of - creating an unneeded tension between the four of them. Luke is my friend, too, but just because I have no one else does not mean that he has to babysit me all of the time. And just because I am incredibly in love with him does not mean I have to be beside him all the time.

"Good luck tonight," Michael says as I bring myself off of the chair I was trapped in. I smile gratefully up at him despite the ache in my heart. But I try not to let it hurt as much as it wants to,

"Thanks," I nod, taking a step away from the table as I wave at the four boys. "I'll see you later."

I turn around and race out of the cafeteria, wondering if Luke really thought me going would be a bad idea or if he didn't want me to go at all. I wonder why he's shielding me from these things, and what makes him think that he can. I mean, I get it. I'm already fragile, and the glue and tape I've used to keep me together isn't working as well as I had hoped. My therapist has high hopes for me, but I'm still trying to figure out a way to tell them what I am feeling without them sending me off to some mental institution. And I feel terrible for projecting onto Luke, when my problems are trivial compared to his. But still, an invitation would have been nice.

"Wait, wait!" I hear from behind me, and as I turn I see that it is Luke. But I'm not in the mood to try and keep a conversation up with him. I want to go home.

As he approaches me, I bite my cheek to keep myself from showing him how upset I am. The fact that he didn't think to invite me, that he didn't want me present hurts my feelings. Even if I was going to go, which I probably wasn't.

"What's up with you always leaving without me?" He frowns, crossing his arms over his chest as I lead him to my locker. "You've been doing that all day."

"Sorry," I mumble, shrugging as I read my combination off of where I wrote it on my hand.

"Are you upset or something?" He asks, watching how I pull a book or two out of my locker. "You've seem upset."

"I just," I begin, shaking my head as I bring my books to my chest. I don't want to tell him the truth, but I know that not doing so would kill me. So I do it anyway. "I don't know what I did to make you not want me invited to that party."

"Oh," he says quietly, nibbling on his lip ring as he realizes why I'm upset. I close my locker, and like usual I hold the books to my chest as I lay my head against the locker. He looks around, and as he turns back around to me I wish that I had never brought it up in the first place. "Don't take it personally, Grace. It's just..."

I raise my eyebrow as I listen to him, feeling my cheeks redden at the feeling that I had made a terrible mistake. And usually, my gut isn't wrong. At least, not today.

He hesitates telling me, and as he opens his mouth I feel my heart break at the words that he says to me. "I've, uh, I have a date."

"A date?" I ask, my voice breaking. Like it always does at the worst moments. "You have a date?"

"Yeah..." he begins, running his fingers through his hair as he waits for my reaction. "I just, didn't want it to be awkward. That's all."

"Awkward?" I gulp, furrowing my eyebrows together as my heart breaks in my chest. "Why would it be awkward?"

Although I know exactly why.

"Well, because," he begins, but when he sees the inevitable gloss that covers my eyes and the red in my nose I know he knows that this is exactly why he didn't tell me. "I don't know. I just didn't want to upset you."

"You tell me everything, well I thought you did," I look down to the ground. "I mean, why wouldn't you tell me this? If Calum hadn't have brought it up, you wouldn't have told me?"

"I..." he begins, taking a step closer to me as he tries to offer an explanation. But I don't want to hear it. I can't hear it.

"You know what, I don't want to know the answer," I shake my head, taking a step away from him. I can't stay here much longer, because if I look into those blue eyes I know I'll break down and tell him everything he doesn't need to know. "I'll see you later."