leaked (l.h.)

37

nsfw

I fell asleep not too long after Luke did, his gentle breathing cradling me to sleep and the way he didn't let go even after he had fallen asleep - last night was a dream. And when my eyes flutter open to Luke's hand running through my hair, I realize that I'm not going to wake up from it. Maybe not anytime today. It's real, it's happening. Luke is mine.

"Well I've been afraid of changing," Luke sings quietly when he realizes that I'm awake, his voice scratchy and full of sleep. But nonetheless, it's my favorite sound. I turn to look up at him, his blue eyes meeting mine as he finishes the line. I like this song, he used to play it during the summer. When his guitar was glued to his chest. "Because I built my life around you."

When I raise my head off of his chest, I watch his hand move from my hair and to my cheek. I listen to his voice, feeling his fingertips as it traces my eyebrows, my nose, my lips. I feel my lips curl into a gentle smile as he does this, my eyes locking in his as he makes out the features of my face. We slept with the fairy lights on all night.

"But time makes you bolder, even children get older," I continue after a moment or two, reaching up to take his hand in mine. I bring his fingertips to my lips, smiling as I see that his breath catches when he does this. His fingertips are rough, callused, from so many countless hours of playing his guitar. They're not soft like everything else about him is, but I don't mind. I listened to this song long after he left, since it reminded me of him. "And I'm getting older, too."

I release his hand from mine, watching how it slowly lowers to lay at his side. I find myself on my knees as I crawl up towards him, closing my eyes as I press my lips onto his yet again, his hand taking my hips ever so carefully. He doesn't want to touch me. He doesn't want to scare me.

But I want him to touch me, touch my everywhere. I feel a familiar sort of throb somewhere between my legs that I've not felt in a while, and when I feel a gentle warmth against my thigh when my leg brushes across his lap, I know he might feel it too.

What Tyler took from me was what belonged to Luke. I wasn't waiting for marriage, I was waiting for someone who cared about me enough to be careful with that part of myself. And if we've only got a day or so left together, then I think I know what I want.

As he kisses me, I take his hand and I move it lower. I rest it on my bottom, and as I do this I feel Luke tense up.

I pull away, looking down at him as his hand moves away from my body. I whisper, watching his eyes flutter open to look up at me. "I'm sorry. Was that too...?"

"No, no," he says breathlessly. His lips are swollen from both right now and last night. He reaches up to cup my cheek, moving down my neck and down my arm. He likes touching me. "We don't have to... if you don't want to, Grace." He looks up at me. "Don't think that we have to do it because I'm, well..." He blushes, knowing that I know what he's talking about. I guess he somehow found himself turned on sometime after I had crawled on top of him. But it's okay, because I did too.

I can't help but smile down at him, down to the way that he nervously stutters.

"Just because we're together. We don't have to if you're not comfortable yet. I don't know why that happened."

"It's okay," I whisper, moving back with both of my knees on either side of him. I straddle him, my hair falling in front of my shoulder as I reach down to take his hand from where it rests behind him. "I don't want you to be careful with me. You don't have to protect me, Luke. I don't want more reminders of what has been broken. I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget." I smile down at him, playing with his fingers as his eyes move down my body. He's seen what I look like under this t-shirt. But somehow, that doesn't scare me as much as it used to. I want him to see more. "Let's start over. Let's pretend that you are my first."