leaked (l.h.)

26

"You're number 11," the stage manager says as she heads me a flier and a number. "Sit in the lobby, we'll call you when you're up."

I nod slowly as I take papers from her, taking my items to the seat in the back of the lobby. I pull the song I chose out of my portfolio and I hold it at my fingertips. Quietly, I hum the song as I feel my heart begin to race in my chest. I'm doing it. I'm finally doing it.

"You chose that song?" I hear from beside me, and as I look up Luke stands at the doorway. I clench my jaw as I avoid his eyes. I can't do this right now. "Your voice sounds pretty with that song. That was a good choice."

"Thanks," I say quietly, holding my breath as I feel his feet move closer to me. And when he stands beside me, I swear my heartbeat stops. I move my hair behind my ear as I straighten my back. "I kind of chose it because you liked it."

"That's cute," he lets out a small chuckle, and as he moves to his knees beside me I know that he is going to make me cry. And I can't do this right now. "Grace, if you want I can cancel-"

"Luke, please," I turn to him, cutting him off. I don't want him to... he can't go any further. "I can't do this. Not right now. Is this something we can talk about later?"

"Number nine," the stage manager calls out. Jesus Christ, they're going fast.

"Okay," he furrows his eyebrows. "Afterwards. When I walk you home."

"You don't have to wait for me, I look up at him. "I know you think you have to babysit me, but you don't. I can walk home by myself."

"Babysit?" He frowns. "What if I wanted to be with you?"

"Only if you want to," I sigh as I look down at my music sheet. "But don't be with me because you feel like you have to."

He nods softly as his eyes soften when they see how upset I obviously am. With each second that passes, my voice grows weak and shaky. I wish he'd leave me alone.

"I do." He reaches forward to rub my back. But he is thinking the same as I am. "Text me when you're done. You got this!"

I nod as I feel him leave, closing my eyes as I try to calm myself. I want to run, I want to go far away from here. But after the shit day I've had, it's a miracle that I didn't just skip auditions.

"Ten!" I hear, and as I take a deep breath I wipe a tear that has fallen. I'm glad Luke wasn't here to have seen it.

But I sort of wish he was.

I walk up to the entrance of the theatre as I hear the voice echoing from the other side of the heavy, wooden double doors. In just a few moments, I'll perform a piece that'll dictate how the rest of my year goes. Will I get the role that I've wanted for so long, or will I fall apart in front of their very eyes and lose out to someone who is much better than I am.

"Eleven, are you ready?"

I nod towards the usher, and as the door opens I feel the familiar blast of cold air that comes with my entrance to the theatre. And inside sits the director and the director alone. It won't be that scary. Right?

I had the pianist behind me my sheet music, closing my eyes as I let out a shaky breath. I take a step backwards and towards the edge of the stage, and when I twirl around I feel her eyes on me.

"Whenever you're ready."

And if I was waiting for myself to feel ready, then I wouldn't have started at all. But something in me wanted to get it over with, so as I opened my mouth to begin the song I realize that I had nothing to be afraid of.