leaked (l.h.)

20

"Kelly?" Luke says as he knocks on the door of the bathroom he saw me escape into. "Kelly, can you let me in. Please?"

I hold my head in my hands as I sob against the bathroom wall, feeling the tears as they fall down my cheeks. I hate having panic attacks around him, and the fact that his family was there to see it only makes it so much worse.

But I know he is only trying to figure out why I'm upset. So I wipe my eyes on my arms as I click open the door.

"I'm sorry," I can't help but sob, stepping back as I watch him close the door behind him. "I'm sorry, I never wanted to ruin your party."

"You didn't ruin the party," Luke says, barely above a whisper as he leans back against the door. "What happened?"

"It's nothing, it's stupid," I shake my head, turning around to run my fingers through my hair. I feel another tear or two escape down my cheek, but my back is turned to him. He's seen my panic attacks before, but I've gone so long without having one... this one is worse. Way worse. "I didn't mean to get so upset about it. I have no idea why I'm crying."

"If it made you upset it isn't nothing," he says calmly, his voice echoing throughout this tile oasis. "We can talk about it if you want. Otherwise, I can wait until you calm down and we can go back together."

"Luke." I frown, turning around and letting him see how much of a mess I am. I won't go into detail, because I know that I'd do the same had I been in their position. He looks into my eyes, his palms running across his thighs as if to dry the sweatiness that came with a day like today. "I can't escape it. I try and I try," I begin, frowning as I clench my jaw. "But when I finally begin to feel like myself again, I see something that reminds me of him and I..."

My legs work before my brain does. And I know that he doesn't touch me because he's scared of what had happened earlier in his Father's room. He's scared of scaring me. But I need him right now, because he's the only person who knows exactly what I am feeling.

I wrap my arms around his torso, closing my eyes as I feel his warm embrace around me. I sniffle softly as I hold onto him, and I already feel my heartbeat begin to sync with the one that's beating in my ear. It's soft, like a melody. My favorite song.

"It's okay," he says softly, resting his cheek on top of my head. "It's okay. We'll stay here until you're okay."

"I hope your family doesn't think I'm weird or anything," I say quietly, feeling his hands as they run up and down my back softly.

"No, no," he shakes his head. "I'll explain it to them tonight after you leave. They'll understand."

"Okay," I nod, sniffling softly as I let go of him. "Okay. I'm okay now."

"You're not just saying that because you feel like you have to be okay, right?" He raises an eyebrow, reaching forward to wipe a tear off of my cheek. "You're saying that because you genuinely feel better?"

"I am," I nod, smiling softly as I look up into his sorrowful eyes. "I'm sorry that I did this to you."

"Did what?"

"I made you feel like you had to chase me," I frown, taking a step back as I reach for the doorknob. "You don't have to chase me."

"But I want to chase you," he says, putting his hand on mine to keep me from opening the door. "I love you. Of course I want to chase you."

I look up into his eyes, feeling that familiar fluttering in my chest as his words echo once again in this bathroom. And I know that they'll echo in my mind when he is gone later tonight.