leaked (l.h.)

21

"I'm sorry for what happened in there," I whisper, my voice barely audible as I close the door behind us. Besides Jack and Ben who mess around in their basement bedroom, it's just Luke and I upstairs. No one else. "I didn't mean to freak out in the middle of your party."

"You couldn't help it," Luke responds, his voice calm as he climbs on his bed. He turns to me, laying on his side as he buries half of his face into his pillow. "It's okay."

I smile softly, walking towards his bed and sitting on the edge beside him. I smooth out my skirt, gently running my fingertips across a loose thread that tickles the skin of my thigh. "Did you have a good birthday?" I ask, my mind elsewhere. I know I'll have to explain that letter soon, and I know that he'll eventually find a way to convince me to tell him what I am not sure I want him to know. But so far, Luke has shown me that he loves me more than Tyler ever did. Which makes me question - why am I waiting so long?

"I am," he flutters his eyes closed, his words barely above a mumble as I see how sleepy he is. And as his torso gently moves up and down with each small breath, I can't help but reach forward and run my hand across his back. "Better with you here."

"You're so sweet,"I chuckle softly, slowly bringing myself to lay down beside him. This takes more courage than it should, since laying down beside him means I open the door that I had forgot I had once barricaded. It means that I am not as scared as I once was. And I'm ready to allow myself to be happy with the boy who cares about me more than anyone else. "I hope eighteen treats you better than seventeen."

"Me too," he replies, watching as I lay my head on his pillow beside him. I grin softly as I smell the sweet smell of his shampoo, a sort of intoxicating smell that I only associate with those damn blue eyes. "Are you okay, love?"

"I'm perfect," Quietly, I speak to him. "I'm just... enjoying your company."

He nods softly, noticing the space I had kept between us. 

"What about the card?" He smiles, his pink lips curled with dimples deeper than I've ever seen. "Can I open it now?"

"You're impatient," I giggle, reaching forward to cup his cheek. I do this before thinking, but it feels so... natural. Even with Tyler, I was so hesitant to touch him the way I find myself touching Luke. And with each gentle caress from my hand, he seems to enjoy it more and more. The way Luke's eyes flutter closed as he feels my fingertips run against his pink cheeks only makes me want melt. But I don't, instead I find myself whispering an answer he didn't expect. I'm not ready yet. "How about you play that song for me first, and we'll work on it. And before I leave to go home, I'll let you see it. What do you think?"

He rolls his eyes playfully as I bring my hand away from his face, letting out a small giggle as he lifts himself off of his bed. Onto his feet, he pulls a guitar off of his wall and brings it to his lap. I sit up as well, watching how he fishes the guitar pics I had made him out of his pocket. "Can you grab that book for me, love?"

"Yeah," I nod, reaching for the book that he has sat on his bedside table. I hand it to him, watching how he holds the pick between his pink lips. I can't help but feel the butterflies run loose inside of my stomach as I watch his eyes move about the book I had given him. Luke might very well be my soulmate. 

"Now I remember," he says excitedly as a soft gasp brings him back to life. He takes the pic out of his lips, bringing it between his thumb and pointer, and I watch as he gently strums that beautiful guitar of his. I lean back on my elbows as I watch him play, and as he begins to sing his quiet lyrics I can't help but wonder if the song is about me. "You got a million reasons to walk away," he begins, smiling with those kind eyes that I've fallen for countless times before. "But, darling, the future's better than yesterday... uh..."

I watch as he struggles through the rest of the song, but despite his stumbles I still find myself incredibly infatuated with him. He doesn't notice my fondness while his brain is too busy trying to make up lyrics to fit in the blanks on the page. But he has no clue that the inspiration I need is in front of me, and as my mind watches his race I can't help but offer my suggestion. 

"I'll build you a house out of the mess and all the broken pieces," I say quietly, leaning my head to the side as I watch his eyes move into mine. "I'll make up for all of your tears."

"I'll give you the best years," he smiles, realizing how beautifully the lyrics fall together. "Past years burned out like a cigarette, I promise, darling, you won't regret the best years."

It doesn't take us a while to finish the whole song, and as he writes down the last of the words I can't help but feel my heart race in my chest when I realize that he's going to ask about the letter soon. 

But before I am able to bring it up before he asks, I hear the doorbell ring. 

"Oh, that must be the boys," Luke raises his eyebrow. "God, what time is it?"

"Seven," I respond, nodding towards the alarm clock on his bedside table. Luke's bedroom is dark now besides the light above, and as I sit up I realize how long we were sitting here.

"Wait until I show them the song we just wrote," Luke smiles happily, hanging the guitar back up on his wall. "Are you sure you never wrote before?"

"I have someone to write about now, I guess," I smile up at him, moving to my feet as I feel a sort of disappointment flood my senses. I was terrified of him reading it, but a good kind of terrified. The kind of terrified I felt when I walked on stage to perform in front of an audience of strangers. That kind of terrified.

"Right," he chuckles, opening the door and slipping into the hallway. He's got his friends, his other friends, to keep him company. And I've kept them from him all summer. 

So instead of keeping the letter safe with me, I slip it inside of his song book that lays on his bed. I should get going home, anyway. The creeps come out at night. 

"Happy birthday, mate!" I hear Calum at the door as I slip down the stairs. I watch them as I swing my bag from earlier on my shoulder, and with each step closer I feel their sorrowful stare in my direction. 

"Hey," I hear one of them. Michael, say as his attention turns to me. His hair is blue now. "Hi, Grace."

"Hi, Michael." I say quietly, noticing how my presence is enough to make the energy in the room shift. "Hi guys."

"You're leaving?" Luke asks, raising his eyebrow as he closes turns to me. "I thought you were staying?"

"It's getting dark," I respond, walking to the door and turning around to face them as I smile warmly despite the sort of disheartening vibe my existence seems to cause. 

"I can drive you," Luke offers. "If you want."

"No, you stay with your boys." I smile warmly up at him. "I'll be okay. Happy birthday!" 

I hug him tightly, feeling his body relax into mine despite how short the hug is. I take a step back, waving to the other boys before I make my long trip home. Alone.