leaked (l.h.)

33

"Hey," Calum says as I stand at the back door. I'm shivering from the cold and the exposed skin of my legs. The shorts I wear are much smaller than anticipated, and with each I step I find myself trying to pull them farther down my leg. But they won't budge, so my thighs and legs are on display. I used to like the way my legs looked in these. Paired with a t-shirt that is much looser than it was when I first bought it a year ago. I look small in this outfit, but I don't mind it. "Everything okay?"

"What?" I look up at him, my braided hair laying softly on my shoulders. I don't normally do much with my hair, so when he sees that I've taken my time on my appearance today it must be ... weird. "Oh, yeah. I'm okay."

"You look nice," he looks at me up and down. "But cold."

"Yeah," I wrap my arms around myself. I had texted him for the tickets earlier, and I know that he's wondering why I didn't text Luke. That is, if Luke didn't tell him himself. "Very."

"Do you want to come inside?" He raises his eyebrow, bringing the door open wider for me to step through. "It's warmer in here."

"Oh, I'm okay," I rock on my feet.

"No, no," Calum shakes his head, wrapping his arm around my shoulder to bring me inside despite me not wanting to. But he's right. "You'll be stuck waiting for hours in a line like that. Come on, let's get you a taste of the backstage treatment."

Calum leads me backstage, and as I follow behind him I see that it's changed since the last time I was here. It's light, and it doesn't smell like dust anymore. It smells like new furniture and paint, and as I look at the wall Luke once showed me I see that he painted around the murals, as if keeping it there was more important than updating the theatre.

"Luke's back here, if you want," Calum turns to me. "I'm sure he'd like to see you before going on. I think all of us would."

"Okay," I nod, gulping despite how incredibly terrible things are between Luke and I. But like I said earlier, this wasn't his fault. It was mine. I should have kept my distance.

And as he brings me to the dressing room that holds the three other boys, I watch as the door gently is pushed open. Michael, humming softly as he runs a black toothed comb through his orange hair. When he turns to me, I see a pink lipped smile greet my eyes. He must be nervous, but he looks cool. He doesn't show any sign of nerves.

Ashton, headphones on his ears, doesn't notice me either. He's too busy warming himself up, his biceps wide as I see them bare for the first time. He can drum like no one else can, and with each pound of his fist his hair grows crazier. I like watching him drum, and I love seeing how absolutely possessed he is by his craft.

But I see Luke last, and as Calum takes a step inside we both see him at the same time. In the corner, his arm wrapped around someone that I do not recognize. But I see blue hair before I see anything else, and as both of her arms are wrapped around Luke's waist and her head resting on his chest, I realize who it is.

And despite how terrible I feel, I don't let it show. Because I don't have any tears left. I ran out a long time ago.

Luke takes a minute or two to notice Calum and I standing at the door, and as Calum realizes what is happening I watch as his eyes widen. Luke's does as well, and I feel Calum's  arm around my shoulder turn me back around. And as he pulls the door closed, I stumble backwards.

"I uh," Calum says as he rubs the back of his neck. "I forgot that was happening tonight."

"Yeah," I nod slowly. I lick my lips softly, reaching up to twirl the end of a braid around my finger. Calum doesn't know what to say to make this better, and as he stares at me I know that he's terrified of me crying. But like I said, I don't have anything left in me for tears. He doesn't have to worry about that, at least not tonight. "Um, well," I take a step back, wanting to escape the hallway as quick as I can. "I think I should get to my seat now-"