Unlikely Star

Sexy

 I heard rumors that Ms. Holiday was back substituting, but I hadn't seen her around. Mercedes told me however that cucumbers can give you sexually transmitted diseases. I decided to pick the cucumbers out of my salad during lunch just to be careful. I knew deep down that it wasn't true, but better safe than sorry. I saw Brittany and Santana talking at their lockers, but I decided I would just talk to them later. Brittany, however, closed her locker and walked away looking solemn. I wonder what happened.

As soon as I walked by Santana, she turned in my direction and told me, "Oh my god! Brittany's pregnant!" My mouth dropped. Brittany's pregnant?! Does Artie know yet?

I turned to my side and saw Tina walking by. I leaned towards her and whispered, "Brittany's preggers."

I continued to walk with Santana. We discussed what we thought she and Artie were going to do. I was trying to imagine what the baby would look like. It didn't look the prettiest, but it'll still be adorable. I started planning their baby shower in my mind. For the baby jumper decorating section of the party, I would make mine fairytale themed. I know I was looking way into it, but who doesn't?

We walked into the choir room and Artie was sitting in shock. I assumed word got around to him. Everyone was just sitting in silence, looking at the two of them. No one really knew what to say.

The silence was broken once Mr. Schue stepped in. "Alright folks. Regionals is in a week. It's time to get deep into our set list. Artie? You okay?"

"My life is over. How am I supposed to support a baby? How could you not tell me about this?"

"Wait Brittany, are you pregnant."

"Definitely. I'm so sorry Artie. I didn't want to upset you. I thought I could surprise you when I dropped him off. I'm pretty sure it's a boy."

"Wait Brittany, have you been to a doctor yet? That's the only way to be sure."

"I don't need to go to a doctor. I just need to look outside my window." We all cocked our heads in confusion. "Three days ago, a stork built its nest on top of my garage. I'm not stupid. It's obviously getting ready to bring me a baby. I know where babies come from." This was the first time in my life I actually thought that Brittany went over the edge. My mouth dropped to the floor and my eyes widened. I was looking at Mr. Schue for his response, but he didn't seem to have one.

***

Chilling by the piano, Mr. Schue ran in and wrote "Sexy" on the board.

"I really hope that's not one of the requirements for Regionals because with Berry in those tights, we don't stand a chance." I started laughing and jabbed Santana in the side.

"No, this isn't about Regionals. I'm less worried about that right now and more worried about the fact that it has become clear to me that some of you have been lacking when it comes to understanding the... the uh....the intricacies of adult relationships. Anyways, along with preparing for Regionals next week, I want to spend the week educating ourselves about some of these intricacies." I wanted to die. I definitely did not want to have this conversation with my parents, and having it with Mr. Schue wasn't any better.

"Is this the appropriate forum for that?"

"Look, whenever we had, issues in the past that are on our minds or giving us problems, it's always helped us sing about it. So, this week I have invited a special guest. Ms. Holiday."

Ms. Holiday strode into class as we all cheered her on. I was excited to see her again. She was actually cool and I feel like she wouldn't make talking about the birds and the bees awkward.