Edicius {5SOS;CASHTON&CAKE&MALUM}✔️

Twenty Eight: "Hey Angel."

Luke was anxious as he waited for Calum to come back to him, forcing himself to stay in the bedroom like he had told Calum he would, even if it felt the most impossible thing at the time with knowing that Calum was alone down the hall. He wanted to go down with the brunet, needed to but that was only to himself, Calum wanted to do it alone and Luke had to give him that.

It wasn't that Luke was downplaying everything Calum had gone through and everything that haunted him when he was alone and even surrounded. Luke had tried to understand as much as he could and he did see what Calum had gone through but he also saw that Calum holding onto it all and keeping Ashton alive wasn't doing anything but harming the man he loved.

He already told him how he felt about it, tried to be as gentle and not to judge as he held Calum's hand last night and told him what he thought would help him. Calum listened to all he had to say, nodding to show that he was hearing everything Luke was saying and he was. He took his words to heart, thought about them right then as he stared down at from where the man was chained to the floor by his neck, staring back up at him and challenging him to do something else other than stand and hold the gun in his hand.

The weight of the weapon had disappeared, Calum carried it comfortably as he stared at his past, seeing how it was slowly becoming his future as he let Ashton control him like had done before. The gun he held used to be so heavy, like a weight in his hands that made it impossible to keep going. He had to go on, had to let go of his past but he was scared to face the future. When he was younger he knew what to do what himself, what he wanted and had the aspirations written down clearly, had a plan and a dream but his dreams had been taken over by his nightmares;by his own nightmare.

He wasn't sure why he felt the need to keep Ashton around, why he felt he was still in debt to the man when Ashton had taken his all and more. It felt like he had nothing else to give, his forgiveness had been spent on Michael and Harry, his strength was to China, knowing he had to keep going for all she had done for him, his love was for Luke and his past was to Ashton. He felt he had nothing for himself, nothing to hold as his own and keep to himself except for his torment.

Luke's words rang in his mind, knowing that not even his torment was his own because Ashton still held it out of his reach while on his knees an restricted. Maybe he was weak, shouldn't have let michael live, should've let Harry stay in guilt, forgot about Luke and went back to the life he had before with Ashton. He knew he was letting his dark thoughts get the best of him, that this was what Ashton wanted him to do, to relinquish his power back to himself after all he had done to get it.

He was happy to have Michael at his side, felt a warmth break across his skin at the thought of seeing Michael smile one day and knowing he had helped the blond do it. Knowing that Harry was coping with China being gone, working with the gang and taking the pressure from him to keep his facade up when he did want to not have to be powerful and have this image of strength twenty four seven. He wanted to cry, to speak his feelings, to wake up in the morning on his own accord, not chased awake by the nightmares he had.

He wanted to be able to love, to not be fearful of needing to look over his shoulder and worry about the love he had being taken away just to hurt him. He hurt enough over the years, if he had a means to avoid it, he was taking it and Ashton was holding him back from doing it, from giving Luke his love like he wanted to do for years, like Luke deserved and like he deserved himself. The thought of being selfish had crossed his mind, of wanting to be happy with himself and with Luke was more than he should ask for but knew he did.

Michael deserves the happiness he was slowly getting back, Harry did just as much and they had assured him he deserved love and happiness just as he had given them. He wanted to listen to them, to that whisper that began echoing again at the back of his skull as he shut his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, tilting his head back to look up at the ceiling that blocked out the sky, imagining the sun setting and he knew why he had come in so late in the day.

He wanted to retreat to Luke when the sun set after it all, wanted a refuge in the blond and to deal with it in the morning if not even later after that. He gripped the necklace Luke had gifted him before he came down the hall and they spoke, or rather Luke spoke and he listened to everything the blond had to say. His fist tightened up even more around the silver bands at the bottom of the chain that once adorned Luke's finger and the second that matched. Luke told him he loved him again, Calum wished he could've said it back.

He was scared of Ashton hearing, somehow overpowering him and having another edge over him about how he felt. He knew it was irrational, couldn't get over it still every time he wanted to say it back and Luke said it to him, knowing the blond was true and that the love he had right now wasn't one to be afraid of. The gun shot the rang through the air in the house had Calum gasping back the air he didn't know he wasn't letting into his system, hearing the man fall forward and dropping the gun to the floor.

The pressure in his mind loosened up immediately, Calum didn't realize the tears streaking down his face until he looked down at the man, wiping his face hastily as he walked out, only trying to clear his sight up. Luke was already in the Hall, beginning his apology for not waiting like he promised and stopping himself short when Calum's arm's went around his middle tightly, face pushed into his chest and dirtying his shirt lightly with his tears.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," he wanted to make up for the hundreds of times Luke had said it before and he hadn't beforehand, not giving Luke the chance to say it back as he spoke quickly, "I love you so much, Luke."

The weight he felt of his words was one he welcome, wanted to bare with its entire weight crushing him under the heartfelt love he had for Luke. It was heavy, something Calum had never carried around before but this time he wasn't ripping down the world with him. This time the wings had had lost were free from the restraints that held them and the wings he regained had grown back to shield him just in case he wanted to ever be weak again, which wasn't weak but powerful to be able to admit he needed help, the assistance that Luke readily have and covered him with the wings he gained as well. He finally jumped into the future.

He's falling and that's okay, he assured himself of that as he mumbled out his love for Luke, knowing it was because that's the only way to test his wings.