Soooo Not Normal

T E S S A

Nononononononono! What am I going to do now? I try to take a deep breath, but I can't even open my mouth. Blinding panic is crashing through me and I can't do anything to stop it. I lean forward and put my head between my knees, struggling to breathe. Deep breath, deep breath. It's not that hard! Come on, come on, just breathe! I don't even realize that I'm crying until a tear drops into my lap.

I finally inhale, gasping for air. Please stay downstairs, Emma. Please don't come up here yet. Luckily, it seems like my prayers are going to be answered. I stand up and walk around, taking in the skyline of my city. It has a calming effect on me, and my breathing slowly regulates. Seriously, Tessa? You can't even tell your friends that you're not hungry? Seriously? Are you that much of a pushover? And now you've made the situation even worse. Go, you. She's going to come back and be all nice and you are going to screw it up. Like always. There's a reason Jack was cheating on you. I freeze, the events of the day catching up with me. Someone died today. Cicily died today. Jack was cheating on me. Again. Then my heart melts. But, I mean, it wasn't all bad, I guess. Maybe? I mean, hey, no school, I guess? And Peter...

My thoughts are interrupted by Emma banging the door open, holding a bowl of microwave popcorn. Great. Popcorn. I love popcorn! She knows that! How am I supposed to deny popcorn? Wait, she did this on purpose! Seriously, Emma?! SERIOUSLY?! You are the worst.

"I got your favorite!" She sings, holding out the bucket of popcorn, letting the smell wash over me. I could already feel myself drooling. Stop it, Tessa! I tell myself, but my stomach doesn't listen, instead, it growls loudly. Emma grins mischievously.

"You're so mean! I said I wasn't hungry!" I say, glaring at her.

"Hey, I just got a snack, as you said. I never said what I'd get." That is true... Ugh, she's the worst!

"I try!" I suddenly realize that I said that last part out loud. Whoops. Well, that was stupid. Just like me...

Before I can go down my rabbit hole of self-hatred, Emma sits down and sighs. I look up and see a tear streaming down her face.

"Hey, is this about Cicily?" Stupid, of course, it is. What else would it be about? Cicily was her friend, maybe even her best friend. Wow, doesn't that sound mature? Great, I'm going to college soon, and I sound like I'm in elementary school.

However, Emma seems to be unaware of my inner battle. She nods and leans up against me, letting the tears flow but she seems so calm. I want to comfort her. Except... no, it's stupid. But hey, sometimes a little stupid goes a long way.

I pull out my phone and plug my earbuds in. I silently hand her an earbud and plug the other one in my ear. I pull up Numb and turn it on. The piano and gorgeous vocals always calm me down. I hope they do the same for Emma. But somehow, I'm the one with tears streaming down my face by the end. I repeat it, hoping she doesn't notice that I'm crying.