Toxic Duality (Sope/NamGi) 🔞

16

It was very unnerving for Yoongi to see how many times Seokjin passed by his area during the night. He didn't know why Seokjin kept coming around and not doing anything. It was unusual. Before, whenever Seokjin would pass Yoongi's area for any reason, he would 'accidentally' knock something down for Yoongi to pick up or 'accidentally' make a mess for Yoongi to clean. He wasn't now. The change in behavior confused Yoongi and made him wonder if something bigger was at play. He was definitely suspicious.

The others were still just as bad, if not a little worse than usual. Yoongi's black shirt was stained by a splash of bright pink nail polish, courtesy of Jimin, who pretended it was a complete accident to sling the nail polish in Yoongi's direction when picking up a broken bottle of it. There was a bruise forming on Yoongi's shoulder where he'd been hit by a cart Jungkook had been pushing. Yoongi had been sitting on the floor to straighten up a lower shelf, and Jungkook claimed to have not seen him.

Taehyung was also the same as always, glaring at Yoongi from afar and talking behind his back. Yoongi was at least relieved that Taehyung had never done anything to him. He was seeing that Taehyung didn't seem like the type to take physical action against someone. There was something else Yoongi noticed as well. Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook all appeared to be avoiding Namjoon. He would normally see them talk to him in passing, but now they ignored him. It was worrisome. It made Yoongi think it was his fault.

When the meal break came around, Yoongi headed outside and sat on the ground in his usual spot. He took out his earbuds and plugged it in to his phone, turning on some music. As he listened to the music, he closed his eyes and tried to relax a little while waiting for Namjoon. Part of him thought Namjoon wouldn't come out here tonight. What if Namjoon didn't want to be around him anymore since the others were ignoring him now? Yoongi would understand. He didn't want to be the cause of someone so nice losing all his friends.

While listening to his music, Yoongi sank into his thoughts. He wondered what was going to happen from now on. After all, Hoseok knew about him going to Namjoon's house earlier. That had to be why no one was talking to Namjoon. Hoseok must have told everyone in his own warped way. Just thinking about how nice Namjoon had been to him, Yoongi felt guilty. He couldn't give anything in return. He was only causing trouble for Namjoon.

Yoongi hated himself so much for causing trouble for Namjoon. He didn't want to do that. He didn't want to cause troube for other people at all, especially not for someone who was so kind. He felt selfish for accepting all the nice things Namjoon did for him without giving him anything in return. Part of him wouldn't be surprised or offended if Namjoon decided to stop helping him. After all, it was only making things harder for Namjoon. The kind man was spending money on Yoongi and giving up his time for him.

It all made Yoongi feel like something squeezed his heart. He was so grateful and thankful for everything Namjoon did for him, but he felt terrible for only causing trouble in return. And maybe, just maybe, he felt guilty because he was becoming emotionally unfaithful. At least, he thought he might be. Despite how awful Hoseok was, Yoongi knew that it was wrong to be unfaithful. He knew he shouldn't let himself think Namjoon was attractive or let his heart be swayed by the kindness he received. It was wrong, wasn't it? He needed to stop being selfish, didn't he?

Yoongi was soon startled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. His eyes snapped open as he simultaneously pulled away from whoever touched him. But when he looked up, he was relieved to see Namjoon."You scared me..." He pulled out one earbud and sighed, trying to calm his pounding heart.

"Sorry." Namjoon said with a light laugh."You seemed really absorbed in your music." Sitting on the ground beside Yoongi, he showed him the shopping bag in his other hand."Got us some lunch." He became confused when Yoongi scooted just a little away from him."Hyung? Is something wrong?"

Shaking his head, Yoongi didn't know if he could put into words what he was thinking and feeling. He didn't want to make Namjoon feel bad. At the same time, he just wanted the feelings and thoughts to go away. Pausing his music finally, he took out his other earbud and set his phone aside.

"Are you not hungry?" As observant as Namjoon was, he didn't want to jump to conclusions."I promise I didn't get those cheap sandwiches this time, if that's the problem. See?" He reached into the bag and pulled out a pear."I got us some fruit this time. I got a couple pears and apples."

Yoongi simply shook his head again. He didn't know what to say. He loved fruits. He loved how kind and considerate Namjoon was. That was what made this so hard. He loved it, and he knew he shouldn't. He knew it would cause more trouble for them both.

Putting the pear back into the bag, Namjoon reached over and gently grabbed Yoongi's hand."Yoongi-hyung, please tell me what's wrong. If I've upset you, please let me know so I'll never do it again. I don't want to ever upset you."

"Namjoon, you can't just..." Yoongi pulled his hand away from Namjoon's and bit his lower lip, feeling his heart pound. He shouldn't feel this way. He shouldn't get a crush while he was tied to someone else, regardless of how much he hated Hoseok. He couldn't help it though. Namjoon was so kind to him, and it made Yoongi feel weak."I-I'm not upset. I was just thinking, a-and some things don't make sense to me right now, and I-I..." He was feeling too flustered to get his thoughts out properly."Why are you doing this to me..? I don't understand~"

Hearing that whine at the end of Yoongi's jumbled words, Namjoon placed his hands onto his lap to keep them to himself."Am I making things hard for you? I'm sorry if I am. I really want to help you in any way I can."

"It's not that..." Yoongi curled his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees."I'm sorry." he said with a hefty sigh."It's not your fault. I shouldn't blame you."

"What's not my fault?" Namjoon didn't understand what Yoongi was trying to say.

"I'm confused." Knowing that Namjoon meant no harm, Yoongi didn't want to be dishonest with him, not with the only person who was helping him get through his painful situation."You're so nice to me, and I know you're just doing it because it's the right thing, but I..." He gulped before continuing."I know you're just a good person, but..." Why was this so difficult to say? Did Yoongi fear that this would push Namjoon away? Yes, he did."Is it wrong...for me to like you?"

It would be an understatement to say that Namjoon was taken by surprise by Yoongi's words."Um..." He didn't know how to respond at first."You like me?"

"No." Yoongi felt his face heat up when he immediately answered like that."I-I mean..." He lowered his head and mumbled out a barely-audible 'yes.' It made him feel like bursting into tears when Namjoon started laughing. Did Namjoon think his feelings were funny? Was Namjoon appalled or amused by this?

"Ahh, that's such a relief." Namjoon said through his laughter. He couldn't help but laugh. However, he wasn't laughing at Yoongi. He was laughing at himself.

With tears in his eyes, Yoongi looked at Namjoon."A relief..?" He didn't know what he meant by that.

"Yoongi-hyung, when you were at my house, I kinda felt like a creep." Namjoon admitted."I want to help you. I really do, but I was starting to feel selfish." He wanted to be completely honest. He knew Yoongi needed more honesty in his life."You're cute, you know. The way you do things just pulls at my heart strings, especially the way you eat real fast when you enjoy your food. At first, I only wanted to help because it's the right thing, but now I also want to help because, well, I think I like you. With how cute you are, I'd be crazy to not develop a crush."

"You like me? But why?" Yoongi was so confused. He couldn't piece this together in his mind."How can you like someone like me? I'm weird and quiet and short and fat and ugly and annoying and dumb and--"

"You're none of those things." Namjoon interrupted, not liking what Yoongi was saying."You're cute. I don't know your smarts enough to say accurately, but I know you're not dumb. You're not fat. If anything, you're too skinny, but I'll help you fix that. You're definitely not annoying. I don't think that at all. Hoseok probably calls you those things, doesn't he? But he's wrong. He's only saying those things to hurt you. He's a liar, and you shouldn't listen when he says those things."

Sniffling as he was trying not to cry, Yoongi held a hand out to Namjoon."C-can I have a pear now?" he asked awkwardly, wanting to end their current conversation but not knowing how to do that smoothly.

"Of course." Namjoon pulled a pear out of the bag and gave it to Yoongi."Enjoy." It greatly pleased him to watch Yoongi take a bite of the pear, his heart strings being pulled.