A Deferred Asset

Chapter 31

"Nakita niyo ba yung LED screen sa kabila?" Pang-uusisa agad ni Chelsea nang makarating na siya sa cubicle niya, Sabado ng umaga.

"Grabe, akala ko krisis sa kompanya. Pero bakit noong pag-renovate maypa LED screen." Tugon ni Kaye, referring to the LED screen for the building facade that was part of the renovation of DZGI.

Dahil sa laki ng screen na siyang kumalahati sa building, agad itong makakakuha ng atensyon kaya hindi na ako nagulat nang ito ang usapan ng mga katrabaho ko nang dumating sila sa office, dahil mismong ako, nabighani rin ako dito.

"New year, new change." Alyana said and chipped in for a talk.

"Bagay nga naman sa building, since it's a mobile game company. In that way, mapepreview nila ang mga laro, marketing na rin." I said my opinion and they all agree.

For a moment, we talked about the LED screen and when it's time for us to work, kanya-kanya na kaming nagsibalikan sa cubicle namin at gumawa ng kanya-kanyang trabaho.

"Erelia, natapos mo na ba yung presentation para mamaya?" Miss Cohn suddenly appeared in front of me.

"Ah yes po. Tinapos ko na ho kagabi." I answered, referring to the presentation for the monthly meeting later. It's the time of the month again.

"Okay good." She smiled and I thought she will about to go, but she added something. "Ah nga pala, hindi nga pala kita masasamahan sa meeting mamaya dahil may pupuntahan ako."

"Po? Saan po?" Tanong ko.

"Kasal ng anak ko mamaya kaya dapat lang naroon ako." She cheerfully stated.

"May anak ka pala Miss Cohn?" Biglaang tanong ni Ishaani.

"Oo naman." Taas-noo niyabg sagot.

"Hindi halata ah." Segunda ni Chelsea at tumawa lamang si Miss Cohn.

"Isa ka ata sa favorite ni Lord Miss Cohn, hindi ka ata tinatamaan ng aging." Ani Maverick.

"Ayos na ako sa aging sa accounting. Ayoko na ng iba." Batid naman ni Miss Cohn at kami naman ang tunawa sabay sang-ayon sa kanila.

"Oh siya, aalis na ako. Anak ko ang groom kaya dapat may beauty rest ako." She joked and happily left the department.

Bumalik naman agad ang lahat sa trabaho. Tinapos ang kung anong matatapos ko before lunch break, dahil pupunta na ako sa conference hall mamaya.

After lunch, I retouched for a few moment and waited for the time to strikes 1. Nagpaalam na ako sa department-mates ko dala-dala ang flashdrive saka ilang folder. I was very confident at that moment, but when I reached the floor of the hall, I feel like I need to go back and would just backed out.

Weeks later I spit those words in front of him, hindi na kami muling nagkasama o nagkita man lamang. Biglang lumaki ang mundo namin at ang hirap ng hagilapin ng isa't-isa. Siguro, I did my best in trying not to get inside his lobby and avoid him. But after all of those weeks, I'll be seeing him again. The worst case scenario, I'll be presenting in front of him, and I have no idea what will happen. The only thing I know is that I'm shaking in nervousness.

At mas lalo lang lumakas ang tibok ng puso ko nang makita siya at muntikan pa kaming sabay na pumasok. Buti nalang sa kabilang pintuan ako dumaan at hindi niya ako napansin. Umupo na ako sa nakasanayang upuan ko at mariing nakinig na lamang sa nagrerepresenta nang magsimula ang meeting.

I was just like that for a few hours and I felt that I could have a stiff neck for focusing too much on the screen and not turning my face. But, I want to have a stiff neck, rather than bearing with my heartbeats.

I lost count on how many times did I sighed heavily as the last presenter was about to end his report. I blowed my breath countless times and my hands are shaking. Mas lumala lang 'yong nararamdaman ko nang tuluyan na nga siyang natapos at ako na 'yong susunod.

'Be professional, Erelia. Di ba ito ang gusto mo? You don't have enough time for being dramatic.'

And so I blowed my breath for the last time and went to the podium to present the financial statement for the month of March. Nakita ko naman ang pagbaling ng lahat ng empleyado kay Darxon, at alam ko na kung anong ibig nilang sabihin. Of course, everyone knows that who's courting who and I guess, they still don't have any idea that we ended everything already.

Dahil hindi ko napigilan, napatingin ako kay Darxon bago ako nagsimula sa presentation. Pero nakatingin lang siya sa mga papel na nasa harap niya at tila iniiwasan rin ang tingin ko. Nag-iiwasan naman pala kaming dalawa, kaya pala hindi na kami nagtatagpo.

But that thought hurt me for a second, but I immediately brushed it off because I need to focus on my profession first before I let this feelings filled my nerves all over again.

"Good day," I heaved. "I'm Erelia Raimondi, the accounting manager of the accounting department and I'll be presenting the financial statement for the month of March."

With that, I throw all the nervousness away from me as if nothing happened and finished the presentation properly. Everyone was silent as soon as I returned to my seat and Darxon talked about the opening of the newly renovated building of DZGI. But,  I couldn't hear a thing as my heart is pounding very fast and all I could hear is it beats.

The moment he adjourned the meeting, I felt relieved because I can now walked out of this room and would never be the same room as him. But my eyes were nailed on him as I saw his elbow above the table and his hands were folded as if he was praying. In between his arms, there's a small space where I can see that he's looking down and his eyes were closed like he was in deep thoughts. Natatamo ko rin ang higpit niyang hawak sa kanyang mga kamay dahil lumilitaw ang ugat sa kanyang braso at hindi ko makita kung anong iniisip niya o kung anong problema niya.

Gusto ko siyang lapitan, pero natatakot ako kaya napasapo nalang ako sa noo ko at sinubukang tumayo para makaalis na rin dahil saktong nag-alas sinko na rin.  And yeah, I left him problematic inside the hall but it doesn't give me freedom.

Sa bawat hakbang na tinatahak ko palayo, parang may kung anong lubid na humihila sa akin pabalik.

I already knew what I feel for him and Mama's right that I was just trying to hide my feelings all along and cover it by fooling myself that I'm not in love, when it's obviously that I am. I miss everything we do and I really do miss him. The laughters we shared, the games that we did, the dishes that we made, the things that we talk, everything, and even the times where he never missed seeing my worth and always makes me feel special on the best way that he could, always as he would.

But after all he did, I just treated him as my deferred asset where I couldn't see his benefit, his worth at the very moment. But now, I already do. My mother is right, my friends are right and letting him go is not the best thing to do when my problem points the toxic society excluding him.

He was my safe haven, and that is constant.