Forgiveness

What if?

what if none of this happened? what if his clan were still there living behind those walls? what if he was training like right now but with his brother and not alone?
the birds around him sang and he stopped, wiping his forehead and throwing back his bangs that clinged on his face, he stood there like none of those questions were forming inside his head he sort of hoped that it would happen but another small part of him didn't hoped small question at that dark corner inside his head where his darkest thought form where his worst decisions he regretted it was built appeared
'but would she be there?'
That place inside his head where he had swore that he would never pay attention to it was the tiniest corners in there and despite it being the tiniest it was the strongest part, he knew at that moment that whatever thought formed there it will betray him? But what the harm if that thought about her? What harm could she do to him?
Sasuke wondered if she was the weakest and softest person he had ever met.
"Hinata"
he had been whispering her name a lot lately. It felt like a whisper in the wind. He wondered if he called her from a distance if he shout her name? would she hear him
He couldn't bring himself to call her by her name since they got married he had been calling her by her last name but whispering it alone as if practicing it how his lips formed like a smile
but lately she was different she was spacing out more than often, staring at corners with that blank face that frightened him sometime he thought she would scream but she never did, she never will, her features sometimes held the most disgusted expression and sometime she held this dark aura around her and some other times he thought if she turned to a ghost.
"oi, sasuke-kun"
sasuke wished to burn whoever called his name and disturbed his peaceful thoughts
kakashi lifted his lunch a grin reached his eyes from under that piece of fabric that covered his face
______________________________
sakura stared at the body laying in front of her, no tears were shed as she stared, it's repeating again, her nightmares will visit her again more than the last time
"haruno-san!!"
sakura looked up to the running shinobi carrying his comrade, terrified took away his insanity blood were washing his features blinding his vision drying his throat no sound came out beside her name
he laid him down and before she move her hands she knew he already passed away hopefully to some better place in there
but she tried anyways sakura tried and she looked at the man's body.
"is he ok?"
she didn't answer, sakura frowned her brows and didn't answer she doesn't know yet
or she knows but she was still trying, holding into some failed hope for him, for her and for the sake of the people around him
"those bastards came out of nowhere!"
she heard his words coming out from his gritted teeth, showing his deepest hate
but she didn't hate them, she couldn't find any excuse to hate the people who were fighting them
they were the one who came first who lit up this fire first
sakura wiped away the blood from the man's face then her hand froze
those brown eyes, tanned skin and scare that took away half of his eyebrow
she remembered him
he had appeared one night in her tent with red cheeks holding a small flower he found in the battlefield that reminded him of her
It was in the fourth war
pretending that he cut himself without his intention and slipping that letter between her hands before he walk away.
'Seiji yoshiko'
was printed at the bottom of the letter she smiled that night at the words inside that letter
but now looking at her hands his blood covered her hands and he would be the one receiving flowers now
many and many of them
sakura thought then walked away to wash away her tears
At least those tears will leave her chest
Leaving an empty space
__________________________________
bodies will be brought to the village and everyone will dance, they will light the candles and dance over these bodies because all these mistakes will be in the past, kages will meet over a huge dinner that was paid by people's lives, smiles and tears to make peace and in the end nothing would change. their greed will lead them to another war while they sit behind that huge desk in their fancy rooms pretending like they care about the world but they would desire for more and same fate will repeat again to those unfortunate people they will experience the same sour of lose again maybe worse but never better
hinata looked to the reflection of herself in the glass
"come out"
she whispered this rivers of tears inside her never came she felt their saltiness in her throat burning, making her want to puke her inside maybe her soul at once to end her misery
would it end?
and surprisingly hinata wanted to know how the end of the world be, what would be the reason that would take everyone's life leaving this place empty would rocks fly and plants die and the moon fell on this earth? or maybe for once people would lay on this dirty floor and die simply like that
hinata stared at her feet they weren't trembling they felt numb would she fly? maybe she was already died and now she was living her memories or this was all her imagination if so..
he wouldn't be anywhere in her world that was the only excuse for her reality only one but it was a good excuse to bring her back to the world
her husband..
hinata looked forward soon she will join, her name would lay beside his proudly and they would rest
"nissan"
her steps fastened to that place where someone is waiting for her so she could start her last part of her life and finally rest peacefully like a shinobi
_________________________________
even though kakashi invited sasuke for a lunch he was the only one munching on these rice balls, sasuke didn't bothered he only stared at his sensei enjoying his meal while he wished to go home and smell his delicious lunch cooking slowly
"neh, sasuke i promised a lot of things to you right?"
" and you broke a lot of them too"
" thart's right"
sasuke was taken back by that response he felt a little bit regret for saying that to kakashi
"gomen"
despite his confusion sasuke didn't bother to ask why was Kakashi apologizing
"would you forgive me if i broke another one?"
the younger male didn't even know what words would he choose, what response to say kakashi was being suddenly dramatic, it was like he was saying his last words before death asking for forgivness for whoever he knows in his life the dead's and the people who was still living
"would you?"
"I'm used to it now "
sasuke got up patting his pants from the dust
but kakashi stayed watching his back get smaller, he missed the days where he invited all of them in lunch at the ramen shop were they were the only thing that excited him about his day
__________________________________
Sasuke was still thinking of his sensei apology, it was rare for him, when was the last time he had asked someone for forgiveness
sasuke thought
he hadn't..
he doesn't remember ever asking someone for forgiveness nor there is someone he should be seeking their forgiveness beside his brother
but his brother was died now
so what's the point?
what's the point of asking the dead's for their forgiveness?
they had passed away, passed this life, suffered his mistakes and now they were died so what's the point
he can't make it up for them now, he can't get them back to life then let them live their life as if he hadn't done anything and then returned to their graves so what's the point?
the whole point is to satisfy himself, to cover up his mistakes by a useless apology they were died now.
so no point at all
these thoughts did him only one favor by making the way to his home shorter
sasuke opened the door of his house
the smell of warm meals didn't welcomed him nor her presence nothing but her scent and darkness, she hasn't came
great now he had to stay alone in this place, it was his only escape before he remembered when naruto used to drag him out forcefully to spend time outside show him the world as if something had changed, how did this place became like any other place nothing special about it but her scent
deep down inside his chest it screaming the reason to him but he always ignore it, will always do
he walked to the bathroom and turned the shower and drown himself in his thoughts again
and when he finished
Sasuke laid himself on the couch so he could hear the door open when she came walking to the kitchen, the scent will spread through to the house and a warm feeling will climb to his chest but nothing came but the darkness that covered his vision
it's getting dark
___________________________________
she whispered her curses
' you're improving hinata-chan'
she didn't want to hear that voice telling her that again she wanted to get back on her feet as fast as she could, they won't wait for her until she gets better especially when she was the reason of all that mess
' I'm making up my mistakes'
he could do it without including her
'it's an order'
from who?
' you're strong too, hinata-same'
hinata swallowed the sourness of her tears that burned her throat
she wanted to wash away her thoughts
looking behind her
she had escaped after getting invited for dinner she was tired and wanted to go home and shower then think then try to sleep but think before it she wanted to think but when she does she wanted it stop
'hinata-chan let's pass the ramen shop'
'hinata-chan aren't you hungry?'
'hinata-chan, how about me and you and sasuke go to the ramen shop'
'hinata-cahn... hinata-chan...HINATA-CHAAN!'
"AHHHHH!"
silence
she looked around her, how did she forgot? she was in the middle of the street.
people were passing by her holding a frighten look on their faces
she bowed many times before she ran away..
to hide maybe the lord they all have been praying for will have mercy on her and let the ground swallow her
___________________________
he thought that he was still asleep maybe he was in one of these dreams that he fell of the couch then he would wake up but no he was too lazy to get up
Hinata?
she wasn't here yet he looked outside it was dark already
sasuke frowned his brows from irritation but more worried
he of course wouldn't' admit it even when he got up walking outside to where she might be he would still deny that he was worried
even when that corner in his head laughing at him like he was 7 years old kid he still wouldn't.
sasuke passed the stairs of the hospital to where he would find that yamanka's office she might be there small chances tells him that she might be there
he didn't even drop the habit of opening doors without knocking even when he was at the hospital
but none was there beside that desk lamp over the sheets of Ino's office
where were everyone?
had they suddenly vanished
people was still around him but not the ones he was looking for
'would you forgive me?'
kakashi's voice appeared on his head making it worse for the uchiha
he stormed out of the hospital only to be stopped by a feminine voice
"SASUKE-KUN"
sasuke turned, confusion was appearing on his face with a frighten glare she was used to it
it never scared her, Sakura ran to him with tears opening her arms like the first time he got out of the prison
and again he never pushed her away when her arms circled him but he didn't returned it either
he let her sob on his chest mumbling words he never listen to
"why are you here?"
sakura stared up at him he was wearing his ugliest glare and directing it at her
"you were supposed to be there kakashi tol-"
" I Couldn't..."
she was waiting for a question that will never come but she answered it anyways
"it's the same over again, we're destroying people's lives and they're doing the same to us and it's pointless we're not going anywhere konoha is so strong that I think we will wipe that piece of earth as if it was never there"
it was getting into her deep he could see it on those dark rings around her eyes her beauty was washing away with her tears those once sparkled eyes were as blank as a paper but despite his teammate being in miserable situation he was thinking about another thing
would he want to see her looking like this?
No.
"so i decided that the only thing i will do there is medication no more fighting"
"so you ran away?"
"eh?"
sakura looked up to sasuke none of her words matter to him he didn't even care what was going on there
"they will be sending other kunoichi-"
now he does
he frowned "who?"
but she didn't know
" have you seen that yamanaka?"
at the mention of her best friend's name sakura frowned too he didn't know why nor did he want to know
"h..hyuga?"
was her name that hard to say out loud
sakura shook her head but with a confusion on her face her eyes got bigger than that idiot's
but none of this matter now a lot of the what ifs was gathering inside his head
Sasuke snatched himself from her hold he didn't waste his time
"SASUKE!"
He didn't listen his steps didn't stop to listen to her not anymore
"YOU KNOW"
But now he did, damn her she knows how to catch his attention
"you're doing the same mistakes you did before, you're leaving the ones around you just like before!"
Sasuke could do nothing but smirk at her
"sakura"
That way he always calls her name never fail to flatter her heart like a butterfly expect he wasn't hers
" you never will be  a close one to me"
And never fails in breaking it too into hundred pieces
_______________________
Last he walked back home sliding the door open lights were on and a smell of a tea her jacket was thrown at the chair he stepped inside there she was sitting on the couch sipping from a tea with rosy cheeks
"where were you?"
His voice showed his inside mad and it appeared that he had been walking a lot from his heavy breaths
But none of this seemed matter t her
"tomorrow"
What?
"is okasaan's death anniversary we have to attend it"
Oh..
He didn't want to but he didn't miss the crack on her voice
And he didn't want those old men poured their sour words in her ears and watch her depressed days on and most of it all... He wanted to be by her side.
But he wouldn't confess that not even to himself
Sasuke walked to sit beside her she just took a shower he could smeel her before he walked to her side
Hinata stood and he looked up offended but she forced a smile
"I'm bringing your tea, I brought green tea too"
Ah.. he hadn't told her that he was drinking lavender tea too?
He couldn't, what if she asks why? What was his reasons, his face heated and a childish frown appeared when he stared at her cup that had that beautiful color that matched her.
A small sip she wouldn't notice, his hand reached for her tea and smelled it before reaching it to his lips to taste that beautiful liquid but he didn't get the chance to reach his throat
Hinata was standing staring at him holding his supposed to be tea
....
Oh what the hell, he wanted to disappear, what should he do? She was the one at fault he never said that wanted green tea!
"do you like it?"