Secrets, Love and Lies (18+)

25 - Devil's Deal

5 Years ago

It's been two months since Luca left me. I don't know if that's the right word for it, though. Maybe betrayed or abandoned – maybe I should just call it the day he showed me the truth about who he really is. I want to say that I'm okay; I really want to somehow be okay.

I spent the last couple months losing myself in school work, showing a dedication like never before in my high school career. It's been more than two months since I've gone to a party or done anything more than have a coffee with my friends. After I shared with Kaylie and Sierra what happened between Luca and I before that horrific morning they both jumped on the Luca Romano hate train with me, but they still haven't convinced me to move on as fiercely as they've tried. My lips lift in a tiny smile, thinking about their incessant begging earlier.

"Come on, Lily. Seriously, I know Luca turned out to be a first class dick. But it's gonna be lit at Connor's tonight. My cousin Drew is visiting and I need my girls to help me show him a good time Miami style." Kaylie's brown eyes are sparkling and she tugs my hands in front of me and tries to pull me into her sexy impromptu dance.

I laugh for the first time all week at her unceasing positive energy. She never has been one to back down from a challenge, and my refusal to take part in anything remotely fun is like waving a red flag in front of a bull for her. She has been relentlessly working at wearing me down for the past month.

"Its been two months, babe. I know it hurts, but you gotta let go. We can't let him win, can we? Besides, there are way better, hotter fish in the sea and some are gonna be at Connor's tonight," Sierra interjects, flashing me a sympathetic smile. 

She knows I'm still hurting, but even she's jumped on the 'get over it' bandwagon with Kaylie. I don't think I can really express properly to anyone how much I hurt right now. I would say its something like losing an arm or a leg. I live and breathe and function but everything feels wrong and painful. It's like a nightmare I can't wake from, like I'm drowning in my own sorrow. A relentless and agonizing pain that makes me feel as though this all happened just yesterday. I've begun to lose hope that the pain is going to end, and I hate how I'm powerless to make it stop. 

"Way hotter huh?" I raise an eyebrow at the two girls standing beside my car in the parking lot.

"Okay maybe not hotter, but still very hot," Sierra pipes in and all three of us laugh together.

"I'd love nothing more than to join you ladies tonight," I reply, lying through my teeth. There are definitely places I'd rather be, like lying in my bed with a good bottle of vodka, all by myself. 

"But...Gunnar has dinner plans for us tonight. I'm sure it's probably just another family meeting to discuss my school plans, but I promised him I'd go." I roll my eyes and the girls nod their heads at me with little frowns, but Kaylie is unrelenting.

"You can still come after the dinner. Please, just say that you'll think about it?"

I return from my thoughts and finish pulling on the dress I've laid out on my bed. It's a classy black mini dress that doesn't show too much cleavage, so Gunnar shouldn't have an issue, even if it might be a little shorter than he'd like. My stomach churns again, thinking about my father.

I live on a hope and prayer when it comes to him. There have been two more nights he's snapped back into that confused, psychotic state where he seems to think I'm my mother. I shudder when I recall the last time and what it took to wake him out of his stupor. How is it that nobody else has seen how crazy and sick in the head he is? There is nobody who would believe me even if I had the courage to say something about the things my father does.