Secrets, Love and Lies (18+)

30 - Broken Pieces

Alex

She's all alone in the shower, drunk as a fucking skunk. I'm pacing in front of the door, back and forth, running my hands through messy hair. I can't help it. My mind is consumed with the thought that something bad will happen, that she'll hurt herself again.

I continue pacing the room for a full five minutes before a loud bang sounds from the bathroom, and I'm through the door like a shot, yelling out her name. She doesn't answer me, but curses and mumbles to herself under the steady noise of the falling shower water. I yank open the shower curtain to find her laid out in the tub with the bottle toppled beside her as she clutches her head.

"I fell," she groans quietly, and I can see blood on her hand as she pulls it away.

I groan out loud. She's hurt herself, just like I knew would happen. She never knows when enough is enough, never has as long as I've known her. I love this woman down to her bones, but she's as self destructive as anyone I've ever met. I pull her out of the shower and wrap her in a towel, leaving the half-drained vodka bottle behind as I carry her back to the bed. I check the back of her head as soon as I place her on the soft mattress.

"It's not bad, doesn't even hurt now..." she mumbles and smiles, wrapping her arms around my waist as I examine the wound. It seems all that the blood has come from a tiny cut on the back of her scalp. She's going to have a painful bump in the morning, but the cut will heal, and she'll be alright.

Thank God she has more lives than a cat.

She dresses herself and I pull out my bag and strip down for bed, shutting off the lights behind me and lighting the lamp at our bedside table. After everything that's happened tonight, all modesty between us has flown out the window.

I pull up closely beside her, resting an arm across her stomach as I lean toward her ear and speak softly. "Lily, you gotta slow it down. You've hurt yourself again...you know how much I worry about you."

"Fuck you, Alex," she retorts angrily and sits up in the bed, ready to take off to God only knows where. I clutch her arm to keep her from leaving and she tugs back, but she loses the battle when I pull her into my arms. I breathe in her hair and hug her tightly, kissing the side of her head.

In this moment, everything else is forgotten and I'm just another man having a fight with his girlfriend. This isn't our first argument on the subject, it probably won't be our last, either. I hate that I even need to have this discussion with her, but I love her too much to stay quiet. I've lost count of the times I've had to sober Lily up, clean and dress her cuts and bruises, or pick her up from the bar while sloppy drunk.

I think back to the nights we got high together and spent every moment tasting and enjoying each other until the sun came up. Of course, those nights I hadn't been worried about Lily's excess, in fact, they were some of the best nights of my life. She was wild and crazy and made me feel more alive than I'd felt in my life.

The first few months Lily only partied on our weekends together. Over the last month together her drinking and drugging has led to a couple big fights between us. She's been inebriated at least a few times a week, often on school nights and she never seems to go a day without taking or drinking something.

Not three nights ago, she was found in the street drunk and overdosed. I hate admitting it, but Lily is out of control and this shit isn't funny or cute anymore. I'm scared for her, scared that I might not be there to keep her safe one of these days. What will happen to her, then?

Neither one of us speaks another word. I wish I could talk some sense into her, but it's too late tonight, she's already drunk and I can't undo anything that's already been done. I need to speak with her when she's sober.