WOMAN - H.S

16.

*FLASHBACK*

Just another day to get through, another day wishing it was me instead, another day of feeling nothing but misery and pain. I have never been so scared in my life. Here I am sat at the bar in downtown Fort Wayne drinking my feelings away... drinking my memories away. I've been sat here for 2 hours and my ass was starting to hurt, but that is the last problem I wanted to fix.

"One more...please" I slurred to the bar tender. "Are you sure?" He asked looking wearily. "My mom is dying...I'm positive" I responded coldly. His eyes went wide before he nodded agreeing with me. I hated drinking this much, but it is the only thing to keep me from feeling...anything.

My mom had been in the hospital for over 2 month's and is only getting sicker. The doctor say's she has only a month or less to live. I don't know where Olive and Andrew are I ran out of the hospital before I could break and show my mom I'm not okay. I need to be strong for her but I can't be right now...It's impossible.

"Anna!" I heard the voice I needed most right now. "Anna!" I looked up seeing Olive running towards me and Andrew trailing close behind her. "Oh my gosh" Olive crashed into me wrapping her arms around me. "You scared the fuck out of me" she whispered in my ear. "I wanna go home" I mumbled. "Okay" Olive agreed nodding her head. "Are you okay?" Andrew asked. "Are you?" I shot back. He looked down at the ground before shaking his head. "No" he answered. "me either" I nodded. Andrew pulled me into his side as the three of us began to walk out of the bar.

We took Andrews car back to the house without sharing a word. The silence around me was deafening and I hated it. When we finally got back to the house I I got of the car without stumbling. I don't think I drank enough.

"Where's dad?" I asked. "He is still at the hospital with mom we can go see her in the morning...dad needs to be with her" he spoke. I nodded my head agreeing with him. I felt the heaviness in my chest. I got inside going upstairs to take a shower and get into my pajamas. I slid an oversized fuzzy GAP sweatshirt that belonged to my mom. Before she got admitted into the hospital she used to wear it all the time. It smells like her and brings me comfort when I can't be with her.

I took the towel off of my wet hair throwing it to the side and walking out the door of my bathroom. The lights were out meaning Olive and Andrew had gone to bed. I should do the same. I got into my unmade bed laying on my back staring at the ceiling. I looked at the time seeing it was almost 2 in the morning.

I placed my hands on my stomach. I knew I wouldn't be sleeping tonight. I hated being alone right now. I threw the blankets off of me and walked down the hall. I reached for the door nob of the guest bedroom that I knew all to well. I walked in to the other side of the bed lifting the covers sliding in next to the body I needed right now. "I can't sleep" I whispered. "me either" Olive whispered back.

"I'm so scared Olive" I said starting to cry. She pulled me into her so my head was in the crook of her neck. "I know, I am too" she spoke. My mom was like Olives second birth mom she has known her since our first day's together. Before our brains were fully developed.

"I can't loose her...she's my mom" I sobbed. "What if when she goes she is scared and trapped in another dimension and I can't help her" I sobbed terrified of what could happen. Olive didn't reply she just let me cry as she ran her hand through my hair.

After a while I began to calm down. I moved my head to the pillow next to Olive laying on my side facing her. She turned her body to mimic my position looking at me. "Your mom wouldn't want you to be scared...she would want you to remember all the good times you had...and then she would say, 'don't be scared to let me go...if you ever need me I'll be right here'" Olive quoted my mom's words holding her hand against her heart. I nodded fighting back tears.

"We'll get through this Anna"