All I Wanted

chapter 5

Once Hinata got home, he walked to his room and fell onto his bed, almost immediately falling to sleep. He woke up to an alarm at 7 A.M. He had slept the whole day yesterday and didn't wake up once. Hinata got ready for his day, ate breakfast, and went off to school. He had completely forgotten about the events of yesterday.

He got through the school day as usual, joking around with friends and trying to keep up his schoolwork. Finally, it was time for volleyball practice.

Kageyama's pov
I was already in the gym, practicing my tosses along with Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Noya, Ennoshita, and Daichi. No one was late, we were just early. Eventually, everyone showed up for practice except for Hinata. Was he okay? I brushed it off. I shouldn't have to worry about it, he is sometimes late anyways. 40 minutes passed and finally, Hinata comes running in.

"Sorry! I left my gym clothes at home! So I had to ride my bike all the way there and back... it won't happen again!" Hinata told the team, gasping for breath.

The whole team, including myself, stared at him... what an entrance. The team just smiled and laughed at him, saying it was fine. I however was still on edge about yesterday. But when I looked at Hinata, he made it seem like nothing had happened! What. The. Actual. Hell. He even walked up to me, smiled, and asked, "Set for me?" Was I going crazy? Did I hallucinate everything that happened yesterday? Or was he putting on a show? Or maybe he just forgot? I held onto my questions until after practice. Finally when everyone was gone, and Hinata and I stayed in the gym for extra practice, I asked...

Hinata's pov
"So... are we gonna talk about yesterday?"

"Kageyama, what do you-" As soon as I was about to ask what he was talking about, I remembered.

Shit. I had totally blacked out and forgot about yesterday. Yesterday, I yelled at Kageyama for no reason. He is probably so confused. Shit. I really do screw everything up.

"Oh, yeah... about that... I am really sorry. I guess I just wasn't in my right mind." I said, looking down at the volleyball in my hands.

"I don't care. Thanks for the apology but I don't need one. I just want to know what happened."

Crap. I didn't even know what happened. But I did know that if I told him, one thing would lead to the next, and he would find out about my cuts and depression. I can't tell him. I just can't. My heart was racing just thinking about someone finding out. I started panicking and was so nervous that I couldn't even think of a good lie! Crap! What do I do? I am such a mess. What do I even say? It isn't like I am actually going to tell the truth! Oh my God. I am done for! I am such a screw up! No wonder my father hated me and beat me! He realized how useless and awful I was. Ugh!

Kageyama's pov
I asked "I just want to know what happened." And as soon as I did ask, Hinata was panicking like crazy. He was trying to hide it but it was obvious. He started staring at the ground, breathing heavy, and then started fidgeting. What was going on with him? So I finally broke the nervous silence by asking,

"What is it? You can tell me."

Maybe it was too straightforward but I was getting impatient and curious. He looked up at me, nervously smiled, and said "I don't know, I think I just didn't eat enough yesterday and so I was low on energy or something like that. And then I guess I fell and was confused!"

Hinata's pov
Shit! That was probably the worst lie I have ever told! But my nerves got to me so I blurted out the only lie I could think of. It was so obvious that I was lying but it was too late to change my story. Kageyama looked at me, like he knew I was lying. Crap. I smiled at him anxiously and then in hopes of changing the subject, said, "Come on! Let's keep practicing!"

"No." Kageyama said.

I could feel my stomach twisting. Why won't he give up on this! Why can't he just leave it be?

"Just tell me and then we can keep practicing."

Crap. He really wasn't going to give up on this, was he.

"Fine, if you won't straight up tell me, I will ask questions, and you will answer... why were you so tired yesterday? I walked with you the night before, we split ways, and then what? Did you go home? Did you go out? Where did you go after?"

My brain was trying so hard to think of something, anything! But I couldn't lie anymore. But I couldn't tell the truth either. So instead, I ran out of the gym and sprinted home. I didn't even bother with my bike, I left it at the rack. I was running and running, and could feel my eyes watering. What did I just do? I can't believe I ran out like that! Now his suspension will grow even more!

I continued running until I got to my house. I went to the bathroom, and didn't even wait until night time. I grabbed my hidden blade and sliced my stomach.

"Agh!" I groaned in pain.

As I was bandaging myself up, I heard knocking on the door.

"Shouyou? Sweetie, are you okay?"

"Yeah, mom! I'm fine! I just needed to use the restroom." I didn't think she was home today, she is usually at work.

"Oh, okay! Sorry for interrupting!" She giggled and walked off, thinking that I was being silly. But I was really crying in the mirror, blood running down my belly. I wanted to bury myself into my bed and sob, but that would bring too much attention to myself.

If I felt like this while on my medication, I don't even want to know what I would be doing right now if I was off of it.