All I Wanted

chapter 17

Kageyama's pov
I looked down at his stomach, and the sight made me shiver. I could see cut marks all along his stomach and hip. The scars had a purple-pink color to them. I could tell that some were older than others, because the color was more faded than the other scars. He pulled down his shirt, and I looked back into his eyes.

Hinata looked up at me, with the exact same face he had when I pushed him down yesterday. He gave me a look that indicated that I was some type of monster.

"D- dad? Why are you h- here? W- why won't you just leave me alone?!" He sobbed out.

I immediately froze in place. What was he talking about? His dad? There was no one around though. I didn't move a muscle, I physically couldn't. He looked back up at me and almost seemed relieved. He remained sitting on the ground for a minute, crying. His face was buried in his knees.

"Hinata, I- I didn't mean to scare you... I am sorry. I just wanted to return these, you left them on the bench yesterday." I said as I pulled out the brown paper bag out of my pocket. I didn't know what else to say, I had too many questions.

He looked back up at me, sniffling and wiping his tears. He stood up, grabbed his pills, and started walking away. He didn't say a word to me. He acted like nothing happened.

"Oi! Hinata!" I shouted, running up behind him. "A- are you okay?" I asked. I was very concerned for him. I knew he wasn't okay, but I asked anyways.

He ignored me, and just kept walking. I was walking by his side now, not saying anything. My brain was too busy asking questions. A minute later, I asked again.

"Are you okay?"

He stopped in his tracks, turned to me, and yelled in my face.

"I'M FINE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE! IT'LL BE EASIER FOR YOU TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING LATER ON IF YOU JUST STOP TALKING TO ME NOW! DON'T YOU GET THAT? DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! I AM DONE TRYING!" He had tears flood into his eyes. He went silent, and continued to walk.

I was in too much shock to respond or do anything, so I just continued to walk by him.

What did he mean? It will be easier for me later on if I stopped talking to him now? He was done trying? Trying at volleyball? Trying at school? Trying at friendships?

Then, I suddenly stopped in place as Hinata continued walking. Was I really that stupid... so stupid that I couldn't connect the dots earlier? He has antidepressants, cut marks all along his torso, quits the volleyball team- as if he doesn't plan to play in the future- and says that he is done trying.

I didn't want to assume the worst, but my brain and intuition told me that he meant something far more serious.

Was he done trying... at life?

Hinata's pov
Kageyama was staring at me. I was so confused and disoriented that I just balled up and continued to cry for another minute. Finally, the sound of my weeps were broken.

"Hinata, I- I didn't mean to scare you... I am sorry. I just wanted to return these, you left them on the bench yesterday." I looked up to see him holding my medication. Not that I was going to need it anymore. But I stood up anyways, took the bag from his hands, and walked away.

Kageyama stood in the same place for a little while. He finally started running up behind me, hollering "Oi! Hinata!" He walked by my side. "A- are you okay?" He asked. I ignored his question because I thought the answer was obvious and continued walking, looking straight ahead. We stayed silent for a bit.

"Are you okay?" He asked for the second time.

I stopped walking, and turned to face him.

"I'M FINE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE! IT'LL BE EASIER FOR YOU TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING LATER ON IF YOU JUST STOP TALKING TO ME NOW! DON'T YOU GET THAT? DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! I AM DONE TRYING!" I yelled at his face, finally letting all my frustration and agony out.

I started crying again, but then turned back around, and continued my walk. Kageyama was very shocked, but also remained by my side in silence. He eventually stopped, but I just kept walking.

"Did I say too much? Did he figure out my plan?" I asked myself in doubt of my actions. But then I realized how much I didn't care. I didn't care if he was worried or tried to stop me. I was going to die, one way or another.

Kageyama eventually ran back up to my side and spoke up.

"Listen, I didn't want to ask but... why do you have scars all along your stomach?" He asked. I didn't expect him to ask that out of all things, I guess he didn't figure out my plans.

Kageyama's pov
"Listen, I didn't want to ask but... why do you have scars all along your stomach?" I asked Hinata.

I was very worried about him and his life, but I wanted to ease into the questions.

He looked up at me kinda shocked, and then looked back down.

"It's none of your business." He mumbled.

"Why can't you just tell me? You know you can trust me, right? So just tell me, please!" I begged, my concern for him growing larger by the second.

"I SAID, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS." He shouted in a stern voice.

He knew I had seen something and still didn't want to own up to anything. My annoyance grew, and I knew that if I kept nagging him, he would respond annoyed too, which would make me angry. And I didn't want my anger to take over like that again. So, I remained silent, and walked with him until we had to split ways.