All I Wanted

chapter 22

Kageyama's pov
I walked back into the building were the ceremony took place. Shouyou's casket was in the front of the large room. There were flowers surrounding the black, smaller-sized casket. A large picture of Hinata was standing next to the casket. In the photo, you could see his bright orange hair. He had a big genuine smile that stretched from ear to ear, and his eyes were sealed shut from his large grin.

No one was around, so I knew it was the perfect time to talk. I knelt down, sitting on the few stairs that separated the small stage and the floor. I looked down at the ground and began talking.

"Hey, Hinata." I muttered out. I felt awkward talking to someone who wasn't going to respond. He wasn't ever going to respond.

"I- I just wanted to let you know..." I began to choke on my own words. "That we a-all really m-miss you." I could feel liquid pouring out of my eyes and landing on the ground ahead of me.

"Y- you know, I really w-wish I was there for y-you more."

Suddenly, I could feel something warm, almost like a presence was near me. I looked around, but no was there. The presence felt familiar. Warm, happy, and calm.

"You w-were... no, you are my b-best friend, Shouyou. I just d-don't know how I am going to d-do this without you!" I buried my face into my hands.

"You were e-everything to me! And, goddammit, I n-never even showed that! If I d-did, maybe you would still be here with m-me right now!" I sobbed out.

I sat there for a couple minutes, crying in my hands. The tears wouldn't stop gushing from my eyes.

"Why?" I asked. "Why would you do s-something like that?! How could you be so s-selfish! Did you not c-consider how everyone e-else would feel?!" I let out my frustration. I went quiet for a few seconds and calmed myself down. I finally spoke up again.

"You know..." I said in a peaceful voice; my stuttering had gone away. "I don't think I could ever forgive you."

I went silent for a few more seconds, thinking of what to say.

"But I know that it wasn't your fault. It was all of our fault. Mine. The teams. Your friends. Your family. We all could've tried a little harder. And I am sorry for that. So even though I can't forgive you... maybe consider forgiving me and everyone else."

After a few minutes of weeping by his side, I finished up my talk with him...

"Take it easy, Shouyou."

I stood up from where I was sitting and looked at the picture of Hinata. He seemed so happy... so damn happy.

I then looked back at his casket. I somehow felt a little more relaxed. I gave off a small grin, knowing that he was safe now. I then walked away, feeling that warm presence dissappear.

Time skip to 2 weeks later...
It was time for Shouyou Hinata's burial. The Hinata family came, the Karasuno Volleyball team, Shouyou's friends from class, and a few people from other Volleyball teams.

Kageyama's pov
I had skipped school for a solid two weeks. I couldn't bring myself to go. Many others skipped as well. It was Saturday, two weeks after the memorial service.

It was rough. I wasn't doing well at all. Everyday I woke up, forgetting that my best friend wasn't alive. I would wake up with the thought that he was still here. As soon as I would pull out my phone to text him,

"Race you to school?"

I would remembered that he would never be there to respond. This would make me realize that he was gone, and all the excitement I had felt early in the morning would turn into pain.

I couldn't get out of my bed, and I was never in the mood for anything.

Before I knew it, two weeks had flown by, and it was time for the burial. I got dressed up and put on a coat.

When I got there, I saw a lot of familiar faces. The whole Karasuno Volleyball team was there. They just blankly stared at the ground. I think everyone was so numb with pain that there was no expression.

The burial had started. His casket was being lowered down into the deep hole. Once it was lowered, everyone threw a flower on top of his casket. I gently tossed a tulip in the hole, and it landed directly on top of Shouyou's casket.

As soon as everyone said what they wanted to say, it was time for the cover up. I couldn't bring myself to look at my best friend being put away for good, so I looked at the white snow under my feet.

Soon, the burial was over, and everyone started leaving. I however sat down on a bench near Shouyou's new grave. I looked at the headstone and read.

"To our beloved Shouyou Hinata
A son, brother, and above all, friend.
May your smile and happiness be remembered in our hearts forever.
June 21, 2004 - May 21, 2020"

I could feel tears forming in my eyes. Without my acknowledgement, Miss Hinata was sitting next to me. I didn't even realize she had sat down next to me; I was too focused in my own mind.

She looked over at me and said,

"You were a great friend of his, Tobio. And there is actually something I wanted to give you... well, no. Shouyou wanted to give you this."

She shuffled around in her purse for a while until she pulled out an envelope. The envelope read "To Kageyama" in Hinata's handwriting.

I looked up at her in disbelief. She could tell I was a little shocked and told me,

"The investigators recently gave them back to me. When they found both of you, they also found Shouyou's bag on a bench. They had to take everything up for investigation. Yesterday, they declared that his death was-" she began choking up and crying. "Was a suicide. So, they finally gave me everything back. He wrote letters. He wrote one for me, Natsu, a combined one for his friends, and for you."

I grabbed the envelope from her hands and looked down at it. Shouyou wrote me a letter. I could feel my eyes swelling up with liquid. I looked back up at Miss Hinata and she was crying.

"You don't have to read it now. I don't know what he wrote to you, so I couldn't tell you what to expect. But just read it when your ready, okay?" She looked at me, and I nodded in agreement.

She gave a small, but sad grin and walked away.

I sat there, staring at the envelope.