All I Wanted

chapter 14

With Hinata on the ground, Kageyama stood over him. But, Hinata had an episode/PTSD, and had seen his father. Miss Hinata was worried about her son, seeing him in the state that he was in. Kageyama was confused and regretful. Hinata was stressed, anxious, and most of all, confused. He sworn it was his father, but his dad wasn't even around. He didn't understand how he saw what he did.

Hinata's pov
I went to the bathroom and turned the hot water on. Tears were still streaming down my face, and I was at a loss with my own mind. Once the tub filled up with steaming water, I got in. I lied there for a solid 10 minutes thinking everything through. My mind was all over the place and I couldn't think straight. I closed my eyes, trying to make myself calm down, but my breathing was still off the charts, and I was gasping for air.

"Hinata? Are you doing okay in there?" I hear my mom ask on the other side of the door.

"Yeah." I responded.

When I begged my mom to believe me when I told her what I saw, she said she did. But I knew she didn't. Was I going mentally insane? I knew what I saw, and I didn't need anyone to believe me... I just wanted someone too. I sat in the tub for another 5 minutes until the water started getting cold. I bathed myself and then got out. I rapped a towel around my body, and looked in the mirror.

My scars were staring back at me. The skin was different colors on different places. On my hips, the scars would heal as a pink color. On my stomach, they would heal to be a purple color. On my upper chest, they would heal to be pinkish white. I hated them. I hated my scars, but I loved giving myself them. The pleasure of having a blade lightly touch my skin, and then go deeper and deeper. The pain hurt as blood would run down, but the physical pain helped my mental pain go away for a little while.

I continued to look in the mirror, disgusted with the view. I then knelt down and opened a cabinet. I took out my hidden blade and began cutting my chest. I taught myself that I had to be careful on some areas that I cut. If I just went a little too deep on some areas, I could puncture a vein, which could lead to too much bleeding. Cutting yourself was a risky game that I was willing to play.

I groaned in pain, and then bandaged myself up. I threw on some clothes and came out of the bathroom. My mother was standing down the hallway.

"Hinata, sweetie... did you go pick up your medication from the doctors office?" My mom asked.

"Yeah." I said.

"Okay, good. Where is it right now?"

Crap. Where was it? Did I drop it, or leave it? If I left it anywhere, it meant that I left it at the place where I saw my dad. I can't go back and get it.

"Uh, its in my bag!" I lied, but I couldn't tell her that I had no clue where it was. Medication is expensive, and we don't have that type of money. I can't ask for another bottle, because that means she would have to pay extra for my stupid mistake. I guess I was going without my medication for a month, unless I found it.

I hopped into bed, and dozed off.

Kageyama's pov
Hinata's medicine was sitting next to me. I picked it up, and decided that I would return it to him. I wasn't going to look, I really tried to stop my curiosity. But it took over me. I knew he was hiding something, and this could be my one-way ticket to finding out. I opened the bag, finding a bottle full of pills. I read the bottle.

Patient: Hinata Shouyou
DOB: 06/21/04
Drug: Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors

So he was lying. This medication was for him. I had no clue what serotonin reuptake inhibitors were. So, I quickly took out my phone and Googled it.

"Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors are a class of drugs that are typically used as antidepressants in the treatment of major depressive disorder, anxiety disorders and related illnesses to serotonin deficiencies."

A major depressive disorder? Anxiety disorder? What was I reading? There is no way Shouyou would need these. Not a chance. Surly there is a better explanation... but I can't ask him. Not after what just happened. Not after what I just did to him.

I quickly placed the bottle back in the paper bag and stuffed it in my pocket. I was going to give it to him tomorrow after practice.

I walked home questioning everything that just happened...

"Why did he look up at me like that? Was he really that scared?"

"And when I was standing above him, he threw his arm up to block me, as if I were about to tackle him. Why? I just stood there, it wasn't like I planned on hurting him."

"He was angry one moment, I pushed him, and then his eyes flooded with tears... did I hurt him that bad? That he would cry? Did I seriously push him that hard?"

"And why would he need antidepressants?"

"He is always happy and energetic, these can't be for him... but he does act weird sometimes... but he isn't depressed, is he? I mean acting weird and being depressed are two, very different things."

"Anxiety? Maybe after he passed out, the doctor gave these to him to take for a little while... to get back to normal. It would make sense, right? I mean passing out must have scared him so he needed to take a few of these to calm down."

My mind was pacing back and forth, trying to understand. But I couldn't understand. My brain wasn't connecting the dots at all. If I really wanted to know- which I did- then I would have to ask him myself. Last time I asked him questions, he ran off and ignored me for a few days. But I wanted to know so bad. I needed answers, and I needed them soon.