Heart of Thirst

01

Chapter One

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Life is like the ocean. It can be calm or still, and rough or rigid, but in the end, it has always been beautiful. It can be calm and quiet at times, it's so peaceful and pure. You can simply glide across the water's surface – and everything will flowing smoothly – yet you're still at ease.

Minsan lalangoy ka laban sa malalaking alon, malalakas na bagyo, — it takes too much work to move forward, you have to battle for your life, or you just feel anxious about the unknown.

All you have to do is be open and aware, begin to notice your surroundings, streams, and beings. Eventually, you'll notice that the more you observe and watch, the more you will understand the beauty in it.

I smiled. I learned a lot when I read books or watch movies. Especially when I listen to my friends' problems. And I always believe that there is a beautiful side to life.

Strangers call me selfish. They wanted me to be like my parents. Laging ganoon. Kaya eto ako ngayon, hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong maging masaya dahil matatapos ko na ang huling taon ko sa kolehiyo. Because there's still part of my heart that is longing for a lot of things.

I'm still thirsty for everything.

Sinasabi nilang nasa akin na ang lahat. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, hindi nagiging sapat ang mga iyon. Ano'ng wala ako? Marami... pero hindi ko alam. But I am aware that this is not the life that I wanted to live.

I still want more. Or maybe I'm still finding some parts that have been missing for a very long time. Hindi kayang takpan ng pera ng mga magulang ko at papuri ng ibang tao ang puso kong nananatiling naghahanap sa isang bagay na hindi ko rin matanto kung ano.

Slowly I open my eyes. This is the reality. This is my reality. I've been so thirsty for love and comfort and never been drowned by them. Never been hurt by anyone.

So on our first day here in Palawan, I immediately thought about what I wanted to do. I want to swim and explore the sea. I want to see what's beneath that deep blue sea. I want to be immersed in it.

"Stella, what the hell are you doing? It's 12 in the afternoon! We're on vacation if you didn't know!" Kuya Rex shouted from outside my room.

"Lalabas na ako!" sigaw ko pabalik.

We are all here at a resort owned by my uncle. My mother invited all our relatives for that Christmas break. Because next year... I will be graduating.

My family want me to pursue courses connected to Business but it's not what I want. I don't even want our company. Kahit alam kong 'kay Kuya Rex naman mapupunta lahat ng iyon, kung dumating man ang araw na ibibigay nila sa akin ang iba naming business ay hindi ko gustong kunin.

Ever since I was a child I've always wanted to be a lawyer. I want to defend innocent people.

When I stepped out of the room, my young cousins were running around the living area of the hotel room where my siblings and I were staying. Nakahanda na ang lunch ko sa lamesa at mukhang ako nalang ang hindi kumakain dahil late na akong nagising.

Sa likod ng hotel room na ito ay ang infinity pool na nakaharap sa dagat ng Palawan. Doon ko muna planong maligo bago ako pumunta sa dagat mamaya.

I also heard that there's a floating bar nearby, so I'll head there later tonight. My parents never really cared if I go to places like that. Ever since I started studying in college, I've stayed away from them.

Tumira ako sa condo kasama ng kaibigan kong si Athena kahit pareho pa kaming minor de edad sa mga oras na iyon. On my second year as a college student, I became more independent. Noong mag third year naman ako last year, I celebrated my debut in our province which is a wrong idea at all.