Fighting the Disquiet

10

"How about we never talk about what happened and why I feel the way I feel. We just pretend that everything is fine and I just scrub myself red every night, allowing my mind and body to retreat into oblivion. Yup sounds like the perfect plan."
― Astrid Lee Miles

When nighttime rolled around I was too afraid to go to sleep. I didn't want to have another nightmare. So, naturally, I stayed up all night watching Netflix. Sunday was spent completing my homework that was due and praying that I was so exhausted I would just pass out and have a dreamless sleep. Thank God that's what happened. I barely made it to dinner time before passing out cold. And I slept like a log. No dreams that I remember whatsoever. I was so relieved. The week was actually going well, no nightmares, I was doing well in all my classes, and I was really enjoying painting. I had only ever taken drawing so it was something different.

Anyways, my week was going well. Until Thursday that is. I woke up from a repeat of the nightmare last week. It was still pretty fuzzy but what kept repeating was that stupid look on Wade's face as he said that I wasn't really his sister. I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, so I got like a total of 1 hour of sleep. Needless to say, I was a little grumpy.

Today is Friday, which means I'll be home alone with Wade again while Julia and my dad go on their usual date night. I'm praying that he's at some frat party and doesn't come home all weekend seeing as this was the first week of school for him. But, my prayers haven't exactly been answered as of late so I'm not holding my breath.

I'm sitting in class with Scott, Decker, and Summer waiting for the teacher to get here. I guess I should mention that I've decided to be 'friends' with Summer, Taylor, Amy, and possibly Scott and Decker. I say possibly because I'm not really sure about being friends with guys.

At least Scott is in a relationship so I don't think he would try anything. But Decker is another story. He is still so friendly with me and it's kind of starting to feel like flirting. Which I guess I should be happy about, because no guys ever pay me much attention, but I'm a little concerned that I won't be able to not develop feelings for him. And I don't want to because I don't want a boyfriend. I'm focused on school this year, remember. And what happens if we were to date and then break up. I would lose my friendships with the rest of the group.

"Please Scott," Summer begs jutting out her bottom lip, "If you don't go, mom and dad won't let me go. I'll fill up the gas tank."

Scott stares at her with a blank expression before rolling his eyes and running his hands through his brown wavy hair, "Fine. But I don't want to be the designated driver."

"Ugh," Summer grumbles, "Decker you're going right?" she asks with a bright smile.

"Uh, yeah. I'm going," he nods pretending not to know why she's asking.

"Can you be the designated driver?" she asks, batting her eyelashes, "Please?"

He chuckles lightly and I notice how his hair falls into his face as he laughs, "Sure. Does this mean you're paying for my gas?"

"Uh, sure," she says unconvincingly.

He shakes his head in amusement and turns his body to face me. I immediately drop my gaze, pretending to be very interested in my chipping nail polish I did at Summer's sleepover last weekend.

"I'll only go if El comes too," he says.

I can tell he's smiling by the way he says it and Summer turns around to face me.

"Please say you'll come El," she pleads, "I promise you'll have a good time."

I haven't slept and I was looking forward to crashing tonight. Going to a party without any sleep was probably the worst idea possible, but it would mean that I wouldn't have to see Wade or Tanner's stupid faces tonight if they didn't go to a party.