Fighting the Disquiet

17

"And there's darkness here

The whole world I fear

In my room I seem to drown

But I won't let them take me down"

- Seven Lions

I'm adding the finishing touches to my self-portrait painting that is due tomorrow for mid-terms when my dad enters my room.

"Hey honey," he says leaning against my dresser, "how's it going?"

I don't bother to look up at him as I continue working, "Fine."

"Okay," he says, "well, Julia and I are going to go out for dinner. There's leftovers in the fridge."

"Kay," I say focusing on getting the aluminum I had carved out to stick to my canvas.

I hear my door shut and I call out, "Wait! Dad!"

My door quickly opens and he pokes his head inside, "Yeah?"

"Uh, can you get me a membership at your gym?" I ask, actually leaning around my easel and looking at him this time.

"Sure, we can go tomorrow. You have minimum days all this week right?" 

"Yeah, we get out at 11:45," I remind him.

"Okay, well we can stop by on the way home from school," he smiles before shutting my door. I hear his footsteps getting quieter as he walks down the hall.

I decided that lack of sleep and stress are definitely triggers for my hallucinations and nightmares. I looked it up and they say that exercise is really good for combating stress and insomnia. So, I figure I can go to the gym and get back into shape. I haven't really exercised since the end of the tennis season last year so I'm sure I could use it.

When I'm happy with my painting, well, as happy as I think I ever will be, I move on to studying for the pre-calculus test on Tuesday. I try to stay focused on solving the equations from the study guide but my mind keeps wandering to the nightmare I had on Saturday. I could still feel his mouth on mine and it made me sick and anxious. I've never been kissed before, so it was weird to have had such a vivid feeling of what it would be like. My phone vibrates next to me and drags me from my thoughts. 

It's a text from Decker and I involuntarily smile. 

Decker: How do you feel about seafood?

Me: I like it

Decker: Awesome. I know where we are eating on Friday.

Me: Where?

Decker: That's for me to know and you to find out on Friday ;)

I squeal at the wink emoji but quickly scold myself for getting too worked up. 

Me: Fine. 

Decker: What are you doing?

Me: Trying to study for the pre-calc test :(

Decker: And how's that going?

Me: Not very good. I think I'm going to fail.

Decker: I doubt it. You have an A in the class.

Me: And how would you know that?

Decker: You've gotten A's on all the quizzes so far. And you're always the first one to finish taking them.