Fighting the Disquiet

27

"Awareness is the enemy of sanity, for once you hear the screaming, it never stops."
― Emilie Autumn

When I open my eyes, they feel really heavy like they weigh twenty pounds each. There's this really annoying beeping sound and it's making my headache worse. When I turn my head I see Decker sitting in a chair. He's slumped over in a very uncomfortable looking position but I follow his arm which is outstretched towards me on the bed. I smile when I see that he is holding my hand but I realize that there's something around my wrist. I wiggle my hand, trying to get it off but I can't move it. It's like I'm strapped to the bed.

"Hey," Decker says and I look up at him, trying to keep my eyes open.

"No," I croak as I try to get my hand free. Why can't I move my hands? Why am I strapped to this damn bed? Oh my God, did they find out? Did they find out that I'm crazy?

I realize that Decker is talking to me and I look back up at him breathing heavily.

"El, you gotta calm down," I notice that he looks at something behind me and for some weird reason I think it might be Tanner or something which makes me freak out even more and I'm crying now.

"Please, I wanna go," I cry, begging Decker who is brushing my tears away as I sob.

"Shh. You're okay," he soothes.

I hear someone talking in the room so I turn my head and I see a nurse standing next to the bed with a needle. She's doing something with the IV bag beside me that I now realize is attached to my hand.

"No," I scream, "Stop, please!"

She just gives me a sad smile before turning and leaving.

"No, please! Please!" I sob as I look back at Decker.

"Just sleep, baby. Just sleep. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," he says.

No. I can't. I can't sleep. I can't...sleep.

[#][#][#]

"See?" Tanner says smiling at me as he strokes my jaw, "I told you that if you stopped crying you would enjoy it."

The weight of his body feels like it's suffocating me and I want to scream and claw his eyes out with my fingers. I hate those green eyes. He sits back and I close my eyes as I hear him zip up his pants.

"This is our little secret, okay?" he says.

I feel a hot tear run down my cheek and suddenly he's clutching my face between his hands.

"Look at me, bitch," he spits and I open my eyes, "I said you're not going to tell anyone. Got it?"

I nod and he roughly releases my face before turning and leaving my room. I still hear the bass of the music below my room and I roll over, covering myself in my comforter.

I blearly open my eyes as I feel someone stroking my cheek.

"Don't touch me," I croak, trying to wake up enough to really yell at them but failing.

"Shh, honey. It's mom. I'm here now."

I open my eyes blinking as I adjust to the dim lighting in the room.

How is my mom here?

Oh, God. I'm hallucinating again, aren't I? I look around the room, trying to figure out what the hell is happening. I vaguely remember Decker being in the room but I can't tell if that's something I made up, too. She touches my face again as she tucks a strand of hair behind my air.