Fighting the Disquiet

29

"We don't get to die young

Trouble keeping our head sometimes

We just have to push on

We don't get to give up this life

All the breath in your lungs 

Is stronger than the fears in your eyes

It's do or die, but we're alive

And while we're here, hold the line"

- ARIZONA and Avicii

When Dr. Whitehall walks in Decker and I are attempting to watch an episode of Parks and Rec which is currently playing on the tv while my mom flips through a magazine.

"Hello," he says as he enters, "how was your sleep?"

"Fine," I shrug.

"Good," he says, "well I'm ready to let you leave so long as you promise me that you're not going to stay up for over three days again--" I roll my eyes but he continues, "and you promise me that you're going to attend your therapy sessions. I've already gotten everything set up with your mom and you've got your first session tomorrow."

I close my eyes so that he doesn't see me roll them again and nod in agreement. I didn't want to go to therapy. Who wants to talk to a stranger about their feelings?

"Alright then, Mom, here are the prescriptions for you to get filled and the list of psychiatrists that are covered with her insurance," he says as he hands my mom a bunch of paperwork.

"Goodbye, El," he says before leaving the room.

A few minutes later a nurse comes in and removes my IV and all the stickers on my chest. Agh, free at last! I quickly change in the bathroom anxious to leave before they change their minds and try to make me stay any longer.

I'm nervous as my mom drives us in her rental car to my dad's house. I don't want anyone to be home. I don't want to see any of them. My mom waits in the car on the curb while Decker pulls me along to the front door. I don't see any cars in the driveway but that doesn't mean there isn't one in the garage. I unlock the door and slowly enter the house, Decker close behind me. I realize that he's never been here before so I lead the way through the living room and up the staircase. The house is quiet and I don't know why I feel the need to tiptoe as I walk but I do. When we reach the top of the stairs the bathroom door suddenly opens and Wade looks over at us.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Wade spits.

"I-" I don't know what to say and my heart is pounding so hard in my chest I'm sure that he can hear it. Why am I afraid of him? 

"We're just getting her things and then we're leaving," Decker says, resting his hand on my back.

"You're so fucking dramatic. I can't believe you told them you were raped," he says menacingly as he stands in the hall blocking the entrance to my room, "You always wanted attention on you and you just had to go and tell them that I was there. Well, you fucked up this time because no one believes you and now dad doesn't even want you around."

I know I shouldn't take what he says seriously but that part really stung and I feel tears pooling in my eyes. 

"Are you done?" Decker says in a bored tone.

"Who the fuck are you anyway? You can't just come into my house and tell me what to do!" he shouts at Decker. I instinctively take a step back down the stairs.