Fighting the Disquiet

6

"It was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice."
― Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

I walk up to the house slowly, visually mapping out in my brain how I will get up to my room without having to talk to anyone. Namely, Julia, my step-brother Wade or his best friend Tanner.

I entered the lock code and closed the door behind me. I could hear them in the living room swearing as I pulled off my Converse and placed them in the shoe closet. I took a deep breath and glanced in their direction as I passed through to the staircase, my lips pursed to prevent me from saying anything bitchy.

"Hey El," Wade calls out as he's holding Tanner in a chokehold.

He released Tanner who punched him in the shoulder and resumed their game of Halo. Tanner didn't really acknowledge my presence other than looking me up and down before turning his attention to the tv.

I raced the rest of the way to my bedroom and shut the door behind me.

God, I hate them. I know it was just a dream but I mean, still, fuck them. Honestly, fuck everyone. Because they suck and can't be trusted. Not mom, or Wade, or Tanner, or my unreliable dad, or Julia, or anyone at school that wants to be my friend.

I take a deep breath and push my AirPods into my ear as I grab a pair of pajamas out of my dresser. I quickly change in the bathroom, again, because my room doesn't have a lock on it, and return to my room to start on my homework.

I occasionally get distracted with social media so it takes me a while to crawl through my homework but when I finally do finish I put everything back in my backpack for tomorrow and grab my laptop from my nightstand. Finally, I can relax. I load up Netflix and pick up my phone. I'm surprised to see a text from an unknown number and open it. I realize that it's from Decker and decide to just save his number in my phone so that I don't keep getting confused.

Decker: Hi

God, look, clearly I'm talking to you again, so can you listen. Is this like some sick karma because I got mad at you for making my mom leave me? Why are you making this annoying teenage boy bug me so incessantly?

I can hear my name being called and after a moment of groaning, I open my door and shout, "What?" at whoever is calling me.

I see my dad's face appear at the bottom of the stairs and he calls me down to eat. I grab a hoodie and pull it on over the cropped tank I'm wearing and bound down the stairs. I'm annoyed to see that Tanner is still here and take a seat next to Julia so I'm not directly across from him but from Wade. Which is a little better. A little.

Tanner just gives me the creeps how he always eyes me.

My dad blesses the meal and we dig in.

"So, El how was your first day?" My dad asks next to me from his seat at the head of the table.

"Fine," I reply before shoveling a forkful of rice into my mouth.

He clucks his tongue at me, "Elliot, that's not an answer."

I roll my eyes at my plate because he called me Elliot and finish chewing before I respond.

"My day went great dad," I say in a clearly sarcastic tone.

"That's wonderful, El," Julia gushes beside me, "Did you make any friends?"

"Yeah," I lie.

Okay, clearly I was being sarcastic Julia.

"Any boys?" She asks nudging my arm with her elbow.

"No Julia, actually I'm a lesbian," I say flatly.

I hear Tanner start coughing and I flick my eyes in his direction. He looks like he just choked.

"Elliot Hope," my dad scolds glaring at me.

"Well, I could be," I say glaring back at him.

He sighs and rolls his eyes, taking a bite of his food.

"It's okay, Martin," Julia placates my dad, "If El doesn't want to talk about it that's fine."

Oh God, she's trying to make me feel guilty. It was a joke, Julia.

"There aren't any boys I like," I mumble.

"Oh, well it's only the first day," she says perking back up, "What are your friends' names? You should invite them over."

"Uh, Summer, Amelia, and Taylor," I say and I notice her eyes bug, "Taylor is a girl," I add.

"Oh," she nods, "well invite them over for a sleepover this weekend."

"We'll see," I reply remembering how my dad left me for dead after school and I decide to change the subject, "So dad, how was that super important meeting that you couldn't leave to pick me up from school?"

"You mean the one where I just closed on a $3.5 million sale? It was great," he says happily.

I roll my eyes again, scrunching my nose in annoyance, and turn my attention back to my plate.

The conversation shifts to Tanner and Wade which I tune out. After helping clean up after dinner I happily return to my room and start Netflix back up. That's when I remember that Decker had texted me.

I growl and flop onto my mattress, face down not caring if I get makeup on my comforter. I'm conflicted because I don't want to ignore him and make him mad. What if he doesn't something mean in like retaliation? He has my address. He could, like, TP my house or something with his friends.

I know how paranoid that sounds, but after what happened last year with my "best" friends what's to stop this guy who barely knows me from doing the same thing. And I know that I shouldn't care if he were to turn everyone against me, because like I've said before I don't need friends. But, for some reason, I do care. A little.

So I decide to text him back.

Me: hi

After a few moments, the typing bubbles appear and I wait for his response.

Decker: whatcha doing?

Me: watching Netflix

Decker: what're you watching?

Me: gossip girl

Decker: lol never seen it. It's probably a chick thing right?

Me: yeah

Decker: did you already finish your homework?

Me: yeah

Decker: cool. Me too.

The boring conversation dies there and I honestly don't know how it lasted as long as it did. This boy is really persistent and I'm sincerely regretting giving him my number.