Fighting the Disquiet

19

"I was falling. Falling through time and space and stars and sky and everything in between. I fell for days and weeks and what felt like lifetime across lifetimes. I fell until I forgot I was falling."
― Jess Rothenberg, 

The rest of dinner passes with us asking questions about each other and I learn that Decker wants to get into a Division 1 college for swimming. I had to ask what that is, so if you don't know I guess you could look it up. I also learned he has his first swim meet next week and asked me to come if I wanted since it was a home meet. While we are waiting for the waiter to bring us the check I excuse myself to go to the restroom. I immediately check my teeth for any food and relax when I don't find anything. I chew a piece of gum while I use the bathroom and spit it out before I leave. Decker stands from the table as I approach it and motions that we will head out.

As we walk back to the car, he slips his hand back into mine and laces his fingers with mine. My hand feels small compared to his but I love the butterflies it gives me to be touching him. He walks me to my side of the car and waits for me to be seated before closing the door. I put on my seatbelt while he gets in and starts the car.

"Here," he says handing me the charging cable coming from his console, "it connects to the stereo."

I nod remembering that he had told me to DJ and plug my phone in. I open my music app and press play on my saved songs. He presses a button on his media console and my music fills the car. He turns it up a little and turns on his signal to pull into the flow of oncoming traffic.

I feel self-conscious knowing that he's listening to my eclectic taste in music and I keep glancing over at him to try and see if he's enjoying it or if it's annoying him. After a few songs pass and we're back on the highway he turns it down.

"Yeah, it's definitely not like typical EDM. Not at all what I was expecting but I like it. You'll have to share with me a playlist."

"Really? You like it? Most people hate my music."

"I'm serious. It's different. I'm pretty mellow with my music, mostly acoustic stuff, but I really like the whole 'beat drop' idea. It's exciting. Gets you pumped. I see why you like it. Plus all the bass and stuff really makes you feel it."

I chew on my bottom lip, not sure if I believe him but nod anyway.

He turns it back up just as the beat is about to drop as he described it and I laugh as he moves his body to the music as he drives. He drums on the steering wheel and I smile at how cute he is acting.

We don't say much for a while, just listen to my music, which in case you were wondering isn't completely crazy it does have mellow songs like Petit Biscuit's stuff. Decker suddenly turns the volume down and I look over at him, waiting for him to say something.

"I had a really great time tonight," he smiles, glancing over at me as he looks in his blind spot and merges over to exit the freeway.

"Me too," I reply unable to contain my smile even though my cheeks are absolutely aching. I don't think I've smiled this much in my entire life.

I'm getting sad that the night is ending as we start to enter my neighborhood. I actually did have an amazing time. And although I was nervous, I felt like it wasn't awkward at all. I let out a deep breath as we park in front of my house.

"We should do this again," he says making me turn to face him with probably the cheesiest grin.

"Yeah," I nod in agreement.

"What are you doing the rest of this weekend?" he says as he leans closer to me.

"Um, nothing," I say my heart starting to race as he's inching closer to my face.

"You want to do something tomorrow?" he asks, our noses almost touching.

I can smell his cologne and the breath mint that he had while we were driving home. I'm grateful that I accepted one as well or else I would be dying right now worrying about my breath.

"Sure," I say, barely a whisper as I stare into his light brown eyes.

They crinkle around the corners of his eyes as he smiles. I notice that he looks down before our lips meet. Holy shit. Decker is kissing me. Oh my God. What do I do? I should be doing something right? Like moving my lips or something? Fuck, I've never done this.

"Slut."

I pull away quickly shocked by the voice in my head and Decker opens his eyes. He looks apologetic.

"I'm sorry," he says biting his lower lip.

"No, I--" I try to come up with an excuse, "I've just never done that before."

Oh, God why did I just say that out loud?

He smiles and places his hand on my cheek. He stares at me as he leans in and reconnects our lips. I close my eyes this time and my heart hammers in my chest as I kiss him back. At least I think I'm kissing him back, I'm not really sure if this is how you're supposed to do it. His hand slips into my hair sending chills over my body and I blindly reach out for him, resting my hand on his chest and making my way up to the back of his neck.

Fuck, I hope I'm doing this right.

He slowly pulls away and I drop my hand so that it's resting on the console and open my eyes. My lips are tingling, wanting more.

He smiles at me as he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Goodnight, El. I'll text you tomorrow and I'll come pick you up," he says softly.

I wonder how he isn't as breathless as I am but I nod. I grab my purse and slowly make my way to my front door.

"Whore."

I roll my eyes at the voice in my head and lock the door behind me. I touch my lips, replaying our kiss in my head, and smile to myself.

Damn, that was way better than the dream kiss I made up. I want to do it again.