Her Sentinel

Chapter 12: Watch

Kay...

Walking into our local grocery store, I go directly into the aisle and look at the different pregnancy tests that are available. Staring at each brand, I try to decide who will determine my fate this month.

Let's see, First Response, Clear Blue, or the generic one that no one ever picks? You can't leave something like this up to a no-named product. Who would choose that one? Then again...

Grabbing one of each, I put them in my basket and continue on down the next aisle. As I grab various other things, including cookies and some chocolate for the office snack bin, I can't shake this feeling that this is my last chance.

Tomorrow morning, I will have my answer and whatever will be, will be. All things happen for a reason, right?

Walking up to the cashier who has been working here for decades, I set down my basket and smile.

"Did you find everything you needed today?" The older woman asks like she does every time, and I nod.

Pulling the items out, I place them on the counter and wait with my credit card in hand. Looking at the clock, I have just enough time to stop and grab a coffee before work.

She says rather loudly, "Wow, do you really want all 3 of these pregnancy tests? Oh... That's right, we heard you two were trying again."

Oh, good, God.

This woman then adds, "You know, it's so sad that people who don't deserve a child or want one, can just pop them out like it's nothing at all. Then there's you, who have been trying for years. Oh, these cookies are buy one get one free, would you like to grab another..."

Shaking my head, she finally says, "Well, good luck to you!"

Not knowing what to say, I just smile and swipe my card. Stunned, I just look at her and then gaze around at all the other eyes on me right now. From the other cashiers to Joe Schmoe, they shake their heads and I feel outed. Yes, they are all well-wishers, but seriously?

Walking out, I can feel myself welling up, but I have to get to the car. She meant well enough, but that was awful.

Does the entire town know I'm a failure? My God, they actually discuss us?

Getting into my SUV, I back out and floor it to the road. As the tears fall, I can't stop my emotions and start to sob. Once again, I've lost control, and this time I just let it all out.

While pulling into the parking lot, I find my spot and park the car. As quickly as possible, I do some damage control, to hide the fact that I've been crying yet again. Everyone around me thinks I can handle this, but I'm crumbling inside.

Time to put on a brave face and hold my head high, when I'd really love to climb under my desk.

The rest of the day is uneventful, and I keep staring at the clock. From now until I go to sleep, I'll be counting the minutes until our alarm clock goes off. My doctor wants me to wait and take the test here, but I don't want an audience.

Not again. Nor do I want to hold off for two more days. I physically and mentally cannot wait that long.

Walking in the front door to my sanctuary, I look around and the dogs are not here waiting for me. It suddenly hits me. I never let them back in this morning. Shit!

Running through the house to the back door, I see them through the glass, looking so happy to see me.

Sliding it open, they bum rush me and I feel so bad.