Felix Fractured

28: stars

"Starwatcher (Maru's Theme)" by ConcernedApe

SCOUT

"Crawford, I thought I told you I'd take over your post for tonight," I growl as I sense the subject still approaching me. I refuse to turn towards him.

"I'm sorry for disobeying a direct order, but I've decided I'm going to say what I came to say," His tone comes across collected, but I still look for the usual sass he likes to torment me with on a daily basis.

"Which is?" I toss an arm in the air in a nonchalant to manner, still facing away from him.

"..."

The lantern beside me flickers twice before I break the silence, "Great, good talk."

"I'm not going to talk until you give me your full attention," His stubbornness appears to be even worse than usual. It's strange that he's taking it to this extent, though. We argue but he doesn't usually push me like this. That's my job.

"In that case, you can stand there all night," I grumble, mildly irritated. I don't want an ultimatum. I came out here to catch a breath, but I can't have a moment to myself. Not to mention I don't know what to do with the idea of him. I'm emotionally played every time I encounter him and I see that as a weakness.

A few minutes pass and it becomes evident that he's not going anywhere. I scoot over a little, but still don't spare him a glance. He takes a seat beside me and I realize how small these posts are. If I lean a little, we'll be touching.

"Do you see the stars, Alpha?"

What the hell? Stars?

"Is this seriously-"

"Do you see them?" I'm reminded once again of his persistent nature. He can argue just as good as I can. The conversation will not be over until I comply and hear him out.

"Yes," my tone is dry as any desert.

As ridiculous as I'd made the idea seem, I realize I haven't paid them much mind since I've been helping out here this summer. Even though it's the same sky, it feels a little different being away from home. They're still calming but somehow a little colder.

"I can't remember any of the facts from astronomy class, but, Kristen, do you believe in destiny?"

He's building to something and my nerves are spiking. Why am I getting anxious? I want to run but there's no where to go. He's blocking the only exit and I'd be a coward if I left. For some reason, that bothers me so much. Almost as much as he does.

He clasps my hand and a feeling shoots through me. Something I've never felt before. The hairs on my arm seem to stand up straight like I'd just rubbed a balloon across them. How could I have been so in the dark about something right in front of me?

Damnit, Alexia. Your playful predictions aren't supposed to become true!

"I just want to know your answer," his voice is just above a whisper. I debate pushing him off, but I'm frozen in place. I've held him under many categories but clearly I was wrong about patience. How long had he known I was his mate?

"I think it has a purpose, but it can also be subjective." He lets me go, just as he said he would, but I'm still rigid with shock. These intrusive thoughts... how could they be true?

This can't be happening. I'll find a way through everything else for the better but this... this is entirely different. I like to be prepared and... and ready. I like returning to find everything where I left it and working the way it should be. Instead of cutting it close but getting out unscathed, it's going to be disastrous. Instead of hopeful, smooth sailing in the future all I can see is a capsizing wave in the distance.

*****

Imagine her surprise when she's startled by my knocking on her bedroom door at two in the morning. Red eyed and hair falling out of its braid messily like a tumbleweed of curls. I probably looked insane–completely deranged.

The only thing I could think was she was right and I had been so wrong. I've gotten too comfortable in my perceptive abilities and subconsciously ignored things I didn't want to believe.

"You were right," I whisper as she rushes me inside and into her bathroom. Her ocean blue eyes seem to go on forever like waves... Oh God, the capsizing waves.

"Hey, this isn't supposed to be a bad thing," She attempts to reach me and, though I appreciate the effort, it's not going to work. She's coming at it from the wrong angle. It's all wrong.

"No, it's horrible and screwed-" The sobbing starts when she pulls me in for a hug. The wall I built up to shelter my emotions has broken and everything's seeping through. I envision my perfect house getting devastated by the flood: hardwood floors are ruined as well as most of the furniture. Mold seeping through the walls, Picture frames filling with water and turning yellow, the walls becoming softer over time due to prolonged exposure and eventually caving, mildew and ivy growing over the ruins.

Once you've processed the worst, there's always a moment of silence when everything becomes still. A moment where it all becomes a little clearer like the defroster finally kicking in on a windshield. In this moment, I finally notice her calm humming and the gentle way she's cradling my head. If I didn't know it was Alexia, I would've thought she was a glorified version of my mother.

She's quick to give me my space as I sniffle and wipe my eyes. She knows me too well, but I lean against her shoulder, figuring we've already hit the lowest point on the totem pole so who even cares now?

I explain it all to her: what happened laced with how I feel in a soppy, sad bow. She listens, letting me ramble. Her eyes linger on the wall straight ahead for so long that I become slightly paranoid that she's not even paying attention anymore. The way her eyes dart to mine when I pause, however, tells me just how ridiculous I'm being. "Is that all?"

"Yes." I pull my knees to my chest and trace the creases in my palms from the tile floor.

"Okay," She passes me a butterscotch candy which I accept gladly. "I'll tell you what I think and you take it from there?"

After I nod, she starts. "I think this is a great thing, but I know you don't see it entirely that way. First of all, he came to you and was honest with you. The least you can do is return the favor with your own candor. I think I know why he pushed you away before. He was probably where you are now: confused and not ready. And that's okay, but you can't hide how you feel about him forever. You'll torture yourself."

"But I don't know anything about-"

"That's okay. Neither did I. It'll all come with time, Scout." She pats my head and I find myself hugging her again. What a pathetic mess, but at least she doesn't make me feel pathetic.

"Did you just leave him sitting there?"

Okay, I take back that last statement. "What of it?"

"Scout!" I can tell how much she wants to facepalm and scold me more now, but she refrains, biting her lip. "You should talk to him the next opportunity you get."

My stomach churns, but I make the mistake of looking in her eyes. They're scary and knowing. I nod without really realizing and curse as a result.