Biker roots

Chapter 5 - Mother

Dear Aleksa,

When you are reading this letter, it means that your birthday has arrived. Congratulations. I hope you turned out the beautiful woman I always dreamed off.

I wrote this letter when you were two cause I wanted to explain what happened.

When I got pregnant from your father, I realized our life isn't fit for a little beautiful girl. I wanted nothing but the best for you and founded it in your new family.

Handing you over was the hardest thing I had ever done. But as I met your parents, I knew they would do anything for you.

But now as you have come at an age where you can make a decision for yourself, I like you to know where you came from.

You're the daughter of a member of the Silent riders. I'll leave you the address so you can go visit the place yourself. Ask for Ranger, he is your biological dad.

He is a good man, underneath all of it and he deserves to know that you're still alive.

You are my universe, my whole world.

I will always love you.

Mom

-

Tears stream down my face, I look at the leather jacket it has the silent rider patches on it and the name 'Lex'. I take my laptop and start some research on the Silent riders. Boy they are not a bunch of sweethearts. I look further and further into it until I end up on the dark web. 

They've done some heavy shit. I am not sure if I even want to know them. But at this moment I don't want to stay here. It's almost morning when I am done, I send Felix a text, telling him I need some time to think about what happened and go to sleep. As I wake up late in the afternoon, I have made up my mind. In two weeks, school's over and then I will leave to find my father. Maybe a change of scene will help me decide.

A knock on my door snaps me back from my further research. It's late in the afternoon and I still am researching everything there is to know about my father. The door opens and Felix walks in. 

As soon as our eyes meet, I can feel the anger back. And I know that he can feel it to. "Fox I am not here to fight; I just want to know why you were so mad at me. I had a whole evening planned and you just wanted to go home." He says. "Are you here to complain about your black lace evening plans turning into smoke?" I hiss. "No, I am not, I want to know why my best friend is so mad at me. I have read your text over and over again, I fucked up big time. I wrapped my head around the evening and tried to figure out where it all went to hell. You didn't say a word on the drive home. You didn't even give me a good night greeting." I look over at him. 

"Why did you ask me out?" I start. "Because you are my best friend and you wanted to go." Liar. "I want the truth. How many guys wanted to ask me out?" And then he connects the dots. "Let me guess. He has feelings for you but I forbid him to ask you out?" I nod my head, too angry to answer. "The guy watches too much girl movies. I only threatened the guys who made a bet to get you in bed." Felix says. 

"Why were you so mad after my dance with Jake?" I ask, hoping this time he will be honest with me. "Because he is not good enough for you." "And you are?" I can see the guilt creeping up on his face. "You were right about the bet-part, but that doesn't give you the right to decide who is good enough for me." I answer him. 

"How do you know about the bet?" He says, he must have known to, this stings. How can I know what his intentions are? That's the question that keeps running in my mind. "I heard his friends say that apparently there was a bet on getting the most beautiful girl at prom in your bed. Did you join them? Is that why you hinted on the black lace? Is that what you had planned?" I feel hurt right now. I just want a hug and Felix holding me tight and maybe even maybe the truth.

"I had it all planned so differently. We would go to that stupid prom, have fun and dance. And then we would go somewhere else, I planned it all. Just this beautiful park where I go from time to time to think. So, I could tell you how I really feel. How this best friend's thing annoys me way too much. How I just want to kiss those beautiful lips of you and make you mine. As you walked down in that dress, I realized that I have literally zero intent of letting you leave for college. I am falling for you hard and it's been going on for a while now. I want you to be my girl, I want you to be mine." 

And there it is, the truth. Felix studies me expectantly, but my mind just goes blank. I am so confused right now. "What do you want from me? You don't do relationships. You don't date and you are leaving in two weeks. Are you mocking me? Are you hoping to score one last time before you leave?" At least that what he had told me all this time. The moment I got feelings for him he shut me down, with his harsh words. 

"No, I am deathly serious." He answers. "I want you to leave Felix, I need time to think." "Fox please talk to me." He pleads. "I don't know if I can trust you. You need to leave now." I answer him. "Fox it is still me. Talk to me, we can work this out. Please." Tears start streaming down my face. 

"Felix, I am confused right now. You were the one that made it clear from the beginning that nothing can happen between us, because in the end you would have to move back. You were the one that made it clear that relationships only make you weak and just chain you to all these responsibilities, and now out of nowhere you have changed your mind? We will never see each other again after the following two weeks and now out of nowhere you simply changed your mind? Tell me you didn't say those things." I say to him, the hurt clearly detectable in my voice. 

"Fuck all those things I have said, I changed my mind." "Or you lied to me." I answer deadly calm. His eyes widen in panic. "Fox, no. Please. I hurt the only girl I have ever cared about. I need to fix this. I have two weeks to make this right. Please Fox, let me make this right." "I will think about it, but right now you need to leave me alone." I respond.