Save Me - clifford (a.u.)

22

Dani

Michael was released from the hospital last night, and the amount of weight on my shoulders has only lessened by an eighth. My mother had gotten surgery due to internal bleeding and was now recovering. The first time I saw her after he did what he did to her, was when I went downstairs. There she was, in her beautiful black dress, her hair now a mess, but somewhat intact, lying against the wall half unconscious. That was when I called 9-1-1, and they brought an ambulance and a police car over. The police went into my room to catch him, and there they found Michael also knocked unconscious. The pounding in my chest and the shaking of every single of of my internal organs was enough to bring me to tears. There was nothing wrong with me besides slight bruising on my cheek; it was my mother that concerned me more.
And now we're here. I sit next to my mother's hospital bed, rearrange flowers and cards that her colleagues and family had brought her. Every 5 minutes I would repeat and re arrange. I couldn't sit and watch her be in pain with every single breath that she took; I couldn't. I had been here for 4 days, and although the doctors say that she is slowly healing, she doesn't look the same. As I sit down in a chair and stare at my hands, I know that she will never be the same when she awakens. She suffered brain damage from him repeatedly bashing her head against the wall. It brought tears to my eyes. I have so many regrets about the way I treated her. She only wanted the best for me, and she tried to hide that under a cold blanket; concealment from my father.
He was never always like this. It started before I was born. My parents had fallen in love in college, both majoring in business. The stress had become too much for my father to hold, so of course he was a quite a privileged man, he started doing drugs. At first nothing too serious, then there was the moment that he could never leave my mother, and my mother made a promise to him. He had done a drug and had not told my mother. He began to hallucinate once when they were out in town, my parents engaged and my mother was unknowingly pregnant with me, and he almost walked into moving traffic. I'm not completely sure how close he came to death, but from the way my mother had once explained it to me, seemed pretty damn close. Mom yanked his arm and pushed him onto the sidewalk. She then dragged him to the car and brought him home. She nursed him back to soberity and he went to rehab. 4 months later, my father was now clean, and my mother 4 months away from my due date. The two eloped and then I was born. I always wonder if it was my fault that they got married. What if my mother hadn't been pregnant? Would she still have loved him? Would she still have tried that hard to get him sober or could she have let him ruin his life for himself? I don't know; these questions have been swimming in my head. The next time, it wan't drugs but alcohol. I was 11, and we were this truly happy family. My dad was home more with a nicely paying job, I kept up my grades, mom was an top editor of the magazine she had dreamed of...all was well. Until he went out with his friends from work and got completely drunk, and not the kind of drunk that teenagers go to parties and wake up with a hangover; the almost dead drunk. His thoughts clouded, and he began to punch walls and break vases. He swore and cursed at my mother, and that was the first time that he hit her. He slapped her clean across the face and I know because I was there. I was sitting at the kitchen table doing my homework and that was when 11 year old watched it happen. I didn't understand at first, until my mother picked me up and told me to go upstairs and pack things I needed for a couple of days. I heard yelling and screaming, until it went silent. He ended up just completely passing out after that. I still remember peeking through the white bars under the raining that showed downstairs. My mother covering him with a blanket shaking her head. She looked up at me and waved her hand for me to come down.
Throughout the next few years, dad started working more and was rarely home for more than a night at a time, and when he was he was very stressed and by indirection, my mother became stressed as well. Perfecting everything, like he gave her poison and slowly changed her into him. That's why I cant pursue my dream of becoming a writer and going to school in France; because that's not the perfect life I'm supposed to live. That's also why I can't date michael, but michael is the only thing at this point in my life that I'm not willing to give up for anyone.
I held onto my mother's hand, and for the first time in a long time I prayed. I didn't believe in God, for the most part but I need help from someone.
I shut my eyes tight and held her hand with both of mine.

"Dear God, I know it's been a while, but it's Danielle. I need your help. This woman means the world to me, and although we've had many of our issues, I believe that she is the only one that can truly help me and guide me through my life. All my life she has wanted the best for me and nothing less. I didn't respect that; I always tried to find a way out of everything and want to not be controlled, but I now realize that this wasn't the issue. Please guide her back to health, and please let her be the same as she was before. Please also allow her to fully accept Michael, as I do love both of them very much. I know I'm asking for a lot but please just help her out as much as you can. Umm thanks I guess."

And some miracle, I felt a strong push of pressure on my hand.