Save Me - clifford (a.u.)

15.

Michael

"YOU WHAT?" Yelled Calum.

"Well I didn't exactly tell her, it was implied..." I said slowly.

Calum slapped his forehead.

"WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER THAT?"

"BECAUSE YOU TOLD HER THAT I WASNT A VIRGIN..."

"BECAUSE SHE ASKED."

"WELL IT PISSED HER OFF..." I said gettng heated.

Calum paused and glared at me.

"Of course it pissed her off but you lied to her didn't you?" He  asked.

I felt my heart race and my blinking start to speed up.

I did.  I lied to her.

I nodded and looked down at the ground.

"Aww man..."

"Well technically I didn't cheat on her so I don't know why she got pissed."

"You don't get girls, dude...." Calum began shaking his head.

"What don't I get?" I asked blankly

He sighed, "She's a virgin right? She doesn't want to feel like she's bad or inexperienced when or if you do it.  And if you were too, then she wouldn't be worried about being worse than the girl that you did it with the first time.

I understood completely now.

"So what are you going to do about the big "L" word?" Calum asked sympathetically.

"What do you mean?" I shook my head frustratedly, like I didn't even care to try to understand what he was saying now.

"I mean, you told her that you love her..."

"No I didn't" I interrupted forcefully.

"Michael, you basically told her you love her.  So what are you going to do about it?  You can't exactly take it back now."

I fumbled with my fingers.  I felt my heart feel all tingly when the word love came into play.  I loved my mom, but I've never dated anyone that I love before.

And then I met Dani.

"Calum I think I do love her." I admitted.

He sunk his face into his hands and shook his head.

"No you don't." He said into his hands.

I don't understand why Calum is being dramatic about me loving my girlfriend. Not to be rude but what ddoes it have to do with him?

"I don't understand why it's a big deal to you." I said shaking my head.

"Because Michael don't you get it?  You're rushing everything.  You're confusing her, you're pushing her into things shes not comfortable with."

"I am not." I said flatly.  This made no sense, and this was my relationship, not Calum's.

"YES YOU ARE. Dude, hear me out okay," I closed my mouth and decided against opposing him to listen to what he says, "Let's start with you kissing her for the first time.  You just flat out said that you had feelings for her, and then got pissed off when she couldn't say the same thing yet, but everyone knew she did.  You rushed her decision." I clenched my jaw thinking of that and avoided Calum's gaze.

"Then, you said bedroom, which really freaked her out and kind of pushed her into feeling like she needs to have sex with you."

"Okay, I didn't imply sex, Calum.  Yea bedroom, yea sex; but I wasn't talking about sex."

"How was she supposed to know that?" He said shaking his head.

I couldn't reply.

"And now the love thing.  And I'm not trying to tell you how to be in your relationship, because she's obviously crazy about you, but you need to think of her before you decide when the next big step of your relationship is.  Both of you have to be ready.  And to be honest, you can't start loving someone in a month.  It takes a bit longer than that." He said finally.

Everything Calum said was true.  I wanted to disagree with it.  I hated the thought of it all.

"I'm such a bad boyfriend...." I began digging my face into my palms.

"No you're absolutely not.  She loves you man.  Maybe not yet.  But she will." He said smiling to me.

"I hope so..." I began.

"Trust me she will."

*

I looked down at Michael’s hand intertwined in mine, and began to wonder; what was this.  We’ve known each other for 3 months now but only been dating for 1.  Was I ready to be in love? Was I ready to take the next step in this relationship? I don’t think any part of me knew the right answer to this.  Not my heart or my brains, which were usual polar opposites, knew what to do.  Everything about my feelings towards Michael is passionate, no denying it.  What were those feelings though?  Can I find them somewhere in the middle of being in love and liking someone.  Can I be in love with the things he does and the way he treats me but not him, himself just yet.

“Are you alright?” He asked looking at me with cautious eyes.

I nodded and smiled like I wasn’t drowning in a million and one questions on the inside.

“About earlier, I was just double checking that you are down for the date.” He said smirking.

I nodded nervously in response.

“About the whole L word thing, I think it was way too soon to say it but I don’t take it back, because technically I can’t take it back, but I…” I took his face and kissed him.  My sweater paws on his cheek, as he kissed me back.  I pulled away first keeping his face in between the sleeves of my sweater and looked him right in his big green eyes.

“I love you too.” I said, biting my lip, and grabbed his face and started kissing him again.  I wasn’t sure if it was my heart, my mind, or simply the adrenaline I felt around him that made me say this, but it was done.  That’s the thing about loving someone.  You don’t understand it until after something inside of you lets it out.

*