Save Me - clifford (a.u.)

23.

Michael

I stared out the window and watched as the rain drops ran quickly down it.  Dani called me last night and told me that her mom had regained consciousness and that she would not suffer any permanent disabilities.  Great, I thought.  But now there seemed to be a large block in the road of my love for her.  Something about what my mother said makes me question out relationship.  She told me to break up with her, but I don’t want to.  She says Dani is dangerous but I just don’t see it that way.  But how do you say that to a woman who has given absolutely everything for you to be alive right now.

                I pulled out a pack of cigarettes from my drawer with the lighter.  Since the accident, I’ve given into smoking.  As horrible as it sounds, it just opens my mind.  My mum knows I do, but she doesn’t seem to mind.  She knows better than most what has been going on with me.  I crack open the window just a bit to not let rain in.  I sighed and lit it up.  Christmas was 5 days ago, and I didn’t even see her on Christmas.  She was at the hospital and I couldn’t bear to go.  It was as it this holiday has lost its meaning this year.  Mum and I went out for dinner but that’s about it.  I spent the rest of the night listening to music.  I sent Dani a text saying “Merry Christmas” and she replied “you too”.  It was almost was if we were disconnecting after what happened.  I think that it’s truly my fault, I’m so lost.  It feels like we’re miles apart inside, but people drift right?  I took one more inhale and put the cigarette out.  I just laid on my bed for a good while until I felt like getting up.  I never did.

Dani

Some things just don’t last.  I love Michael and probably always will.  Do I know what happened? No.  Do I wish I didn’t invite him over that night? Over and over until my brain tortures itself with possibilities.

He saved me.  I know that.  I love him.  I know that too.  I sat on my bed in the same position just staring at the rain thinking about everything.  What if our problems just washed away like chalk on a sidewalk.  Mum was sleeping, and I needed to talk to Michael; face to face.

I put on running shoes, and I knew my feet would soak.  I took my jacket with me too.  I quickly but quietly ran down the stairs.  I grabbed the keys from the wooden table by the door without stopping and closed the door behind me.  I took a breath and ran into the rain towards the station.

Michael

I was awaken by the sound of my phone buzzing.

“Hello.” I answered without checking who it was.

“Come outside.” I heard with the sound of rain in the background in Dani’s voice.  I immediately got up.

“Dani, come in.” I began, but she already disconnected.

I closed my phone.  I would look out the window to see if she was there but our window was on the other side.

I quickly throw on my leather jacket and boots and went out of my room.

“Michael where-“My mom began from the kitchen table.

“I’ll be right back mum, okay?”

“NO NOT OKAY.  MICHAEL GORDON YOU TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE GOING AT 10 PM IN THE RAIN RIGHT NOW.”

“NO. YOU KNOW WHAT MUM.  I LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT, AND IT DOESN’T MEAN I WILL LOVE YOU ANY LESS IF I LOVE SOMEONE AS WELL AS YOU OKAY? YOURE NOT GOING TO LOSE ME NT PLEASE I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING AND YOU NEED TO TRUST THAT I WILL BE BACK.” I yelled slamming the door.  I took a deep breath and took the stairs down.

I opened the door to find a soaking Dani.  Her once straight hair, stringy with rain.  She was crossing her arms.

“Dani you must be freezing.” I said.

“I am.”

“So why didn’t you come inside.”

“Because I don’t go into strangers’ homes.”

I swallowed a big lump in my throat.

“We’ve become as close as strangers.” She continued shaking her head, “AND I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHY.” Amidst the rain I saw tears begin to flow down her cheeks.

I shook my head.  I didn’t know why either. “Dani I-“

“Save it Michael.” She said shaking her head, “If you’re going to tell me that you love me. Don’t.  If you’re going to tell me that you need me, save it.  If you’re going to tell me that I’M THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO YOU WOULD BE LYING RIGHT TO MY FACE.  SO DON’T OKAY MICHAEL DON’T.” She said shaking her head actually crying now.

The discomfort of the rain felt like nothing that I was feeling.  Guilt, heartbreak watching her say these things, and even more heartbreak believing them.

“IF I COULD TAKE BACK ANYTHING, IT WOULD BE THAT NIGHT THAT I TOLD YOU TO COME OVER.  AND THE MORE YOU PUSH ME AWAY, THE MORE I HATE MYSELF FOR IT.  THE MORE I WISH YOU STILL LOVED ME LIKE YOU DID.  BUT I KNOW THAT YOU CAN’T.”

I felt tears swell in my eyes.  I don’t know what to say to her.  Honestly.  I couldn’t find the words.

“So what are you saying Dani?” Was the only thing I could truly from a sentence to say.

“I don’t want to, but I know you do.” Her voice shaking and gasping for air from crying, “so do it Michael.  Tell me that you don’t love me the way you used to.  Tell me that you can’t love me again.  Tell me that it’s over, because I can’t say any of those things.

I took a deep breath, and made out two words. “I can’t” I said shaking my head.  Now real tears flowing down my cheeks.

“You know what? I don’t regret anything from that night.” I said shaking my head,” I saved the girl I love, and if it went any other way I would hate myself for it.  We’ve been distant, yes.  But it does NOT mean I don’t love you Dani.  I don’t think that I can ever stop loving you.  You’re beautiful and kind and I LOVE YOU TILL THE END OF THE WORLD.  Don’t ever think differently.  I would have saved you a million times over.” I grabbed her face and kissed her.  Her rigid lips grew soft as she kissed me back. She looked at me with tear filled eyes. “I love you Danielle.  Until the end of time.”   I said smiling.  She hugged me.

“Come inside please, I’m freezing so you must be extremely cold.”

She nodded and wrapped her arms around me as I held her close to my chest and we walked inside.