I don't know

Chapter 5

*Luke’s POV*

I woke up with a horrible hangover from last night; the room seemed extra bright this morning because of it. You saw a brunette fast asleep next to you; another party hook-up, nothing new for you. You stood up and got dressed and looked over before heading downstairs for breakfast, it was Sarah. You fucked your best friend, the girl you had been in love with since high school. I just ruined my life long friendship with the best thing that’s ever happen to me; I wish I could take it all back.

                I wandered down the stairs to where Michael keeps his collection of cereal and began the process of making myself a bowl, lost in my thoughts as I did so. Sarah had been my best friend for practically our whole lives. We did everything together and told each other every detail of our lives that’s how it had always been. I had given her advice about guys over the years, which I hated, and also been the one who was there for her when those assholes broke her heart. It killed me seeing the girl I was in love with out of my grasp yet so close. I knew she could never feel the same; she called me her brother for fucks sake. I would never be worthy of her.

                I dealt with the pain of never having her by drinking, partying, and dating random girls who I didn’t even like, sometimes we didn’t even date. It sounds dumb and clique I know, but I was just looking for something to make me feel any way she did when I was around her. I was hopelessly in love and stuck in the friend zone. I tolerated having her as just my friend because at least I could have her in my life but now I won’t even have that. I took advantage of her and now she was going to hate me.

                I heard footsteps down the hall, light and airy like Sarah’s. I braced myself for the impact of what she was about to say to me. I knew it was going to suck.

                “Morning,” she greeted, you turned and glanced at her, she looked beautiful when she was casual; not all that makeup on like usual. I turned back quickly before she caught me staring.

“I was thinking we could hangout today Luke.”  I would’ve loved to spent all day with her, but I wouldn’t be able to hold back my feelings for her if we did, I’m sure of it. I was already surprised she didn’t hate me. She was taking it well. I couldn’t hang out with her.

“Can’t; I’ve got stuff to do,” I lied. For the first time in years, I lied to my best friend.

“Like what?”  What was I supposed to say, I told her everything. I tried to keep my cool but inside I was freaking out.

                “I said stuff Sarah.” I knew that came out rude but I didn’t want her to keep asking questions.

She turned to look at me as she spoke, “What’s your problem Luke?”

“You know what, you are Sarah.” What the fuck was I doing, why was I being such an asshole to her? I needed to tell her, that last night was a mistake and I was sorry.

“Last night was a mistake; probably the biggest mistake I’ve ever made for fucks sake. Do you honestly expect our friendship to be the same, for me to look at you the same? I just don’t see how things could ever be the same. I never wanted to have sex with my sister; I just got stupidly drunk.” You didn’t know what you were saying; it had all came out jumbled and out of order, word vomit, you had no real control. 

“Whatever Luke, I should go.” You could hear the hurt in her voice; you did your best not to look because you knew it would kill you inside.

“Yeah, I think that’d be best Sarah.”

She got up and glanced at you; you saw the look of hurt and betrayal on your face, you thought you were going to be sick, you couldn’t believe you had hurt her. She got up and left, slamming the door on the way out.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, you wanted nothing more than to text her, but you knew you had fucked up. Replaying what you said you realized you had pushed her away, and hurt her, maybe even on purpose? You just couldn’t take the pain of her rejecting you yet you did the exact same thing to her; and you hated yourself for it. She was never going forgive you, maybe it would just be best if you stayed away from her, and you never wanted to hurt her again.

You got up and walked to the kitchen and began drinking again, it wasn’t the best way to deal with your pain but with Sarah gone, probably for good, you didn’t know how to cope. You hoped Michael wouldn’t mind you emptying his alcohol cabinet.

God you missed her already. You wondered what she would be doing.

This was the worst thing to happen to me. I loved her so much and was to pussy to ever tell her the truth and now she’s gone for good.

“I’m so sorry Sarah, I love you…” you whispered to yourself as a tear rolled down your cheek.

You didn’t know how you were going to live without your best friend anymore; but you had too, for her; you owed her that.